Sunday, January 30, 2005

What do you suppose it would take for me to have dreams like that about Johnny Depp every night?

Whatever it is, I'll do it!!

Friday, January 28, 2005

I think I just severely psychologically damaged the guy who cleans the girls' South Hall bathroom by walking in in my towel. Though, may I say, that's the risk of having guys clean the girls' bathroom! Obviously...

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table, but you only want the ones that you can't get... Your prison is walking through this world all alone...
...It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you. You'd better let somebody love you... Before it's too late...

- The Eagles
Thank the good Lord in the heavens above that I managed to completely circumvent open house this year. Shudder.

Hey, at least I learn from experience.

Hopefully.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

This is one of my absolute favourite Eagles songs. I incorporate the Eagles' philosophy into my everyday life. Hence, see it, and see part of me.

Learn To Be Still
by the Eagles

It's just another day in paradise
As you stumble to your bed
You'd give anything to silence
Those voices ringing in your head
You thought you could find happiness
Just over that green hill
You thought you would be satisfied
But you never will-
Learn to be still

We are like sheep without a shepherd
We don't know how to be alone
So we wander 'round this desert
And wind up following the wrong gods home
But the flock cries out for another
And they keep answering that bell
And one more starry-eyed messiah
Meets a violent farewell-
Learn to be still
Learn to be still

Now the flowers in your garden
They don't smell so sweet
Maybe you've forgotten
The heaven lying at your feet

There are so many contridictions
In all these messages we send
(We keep asking)
How do I get out of here
Where do I fit in?
Though the world is torn and shaken
Even if your heart is breakin'
It's waiting for you to awaken
And someday you will-
Learn to be still
Learn to be still

You just keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'
Why must we give up our hearts to the past? And why must we grow up so fast?
- The Eagles

Monday, January 24, 2005

That's it. I've had enough. I'm going west.

Oh, wait. Nevermind.
I finally got to see The Phantom of the Opera tonight! Hurrah! (Merci, Greg!) :)

My conclusion: I'd take the Phantom over that girly ninny Raoul any day.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

We're completely lost in our own world--egoists! Or maybe we're locked into ourselves, and even though we want to break out, we can't seem to do it. It takes someone else to help us, a person who breaks in or has a way of letting us out. Or we stumble into some moment, some situation, that wakes us up, gets us enough off track to open up our eyes, our ears, our musty minds!
- William Carlos Williams

Hey, anyone wanna give me any advice? ;)
If you'd like to see more about Christmas at the Zamimpilo AIDS orphanage, it's here: http://www.grobanitesforcharity.org/africa
The Phantom of the Opera

Oh how I want to see the movie. I tried, on Christmas Day, but it didn't work out. Sniffle. I wish I had a car.

I used to listen to the Canadian cast soundtrack (back then it was on tape) over and over and over as a child until I had all of the lyrics, and every swell of music memorized... I read the book, and I had to have the piano book. It's currently sitting in a tattered mess on my keyboard. It's the only thing my piano teachers could get me to practice. I played the whole book through over and over and over... I even got a smiley sticker for "All I Ask of You"... And I loved "Music of the Night".

Sniffle. Someone take me to see it? Please?

(See how I'm abandoning my pride? It means this is serious.)

You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asked of you...
I keep posting and deleting, posting and deleting... Five minutes after I've posted, I just don't feel that way anymore. I think that means I'm being moody. *shudder* I apologize.

I got to be alone for most of the day today, and it was wonderful. I think I needed a break from people in general. Then, of course, I went to First Service, and aside from a few highlights (like Rob's marvelous song service and the presence of my darling cousin), the peaceful, easy feeling (apologies to the Eagles) was gone, without a trace (apologies to CBS).

It's going to be a John Denver time in my life now. Hey, at least there's one man willing and able to make me happy. ;)

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Well I've been
Afraid of
Changing
'Cause I
I built my life
Around you...

- Stevie Nicks

Don't be afraid.
Think it's possible?

Nah.
Madame, once assoluta at the Maryinsky, informed the Splaytoes that the child was to be her pupil.
- from The Gilded Bat by Edward Gorey

The hooting owls are scaring me.

I miss sleep.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Women are not cute little objects to be kept around for the amusement of men.
When considered against the backdrop of eternity the period between our birth and death is the shortest of trajectories. From the moment we first feel the smack of life to that moment when we re-enter the deep, black pool is but one breath. We are no sooner aloft than we begin to feel gravity's inevitable pull. We hang there but for a second in all our twisting glory. We feel the air on our bodies, our cold eye snatches at the light. We turn a little, as if on a spit. Then we start to fall.
- Mick Jackson, Underground Man
I remember when I had that too... When it seemed that time would only deepen and strengthen that which was. It happened so fast, and yet appeared so strong, so deep, so unbreakable. But time had not been my friend, and I was left to question, to wonder, to sort through the pieces of my heart. It was an illusion.

Was it?

There was nothing real in it.

Nothing?

If there had been, it would not have turned out this way.

Oh no?

It was only confusion, misperception, underdeveloped sensibilities.

There was nothing else?

There may have been. But it is gone, and was gone, and will always be gone. Forever.

Gone it is. Forever.

I can't know anything about the past for certain.

Neti, neti.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Season 3, Episode 1: Evolution. And then Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Criminal Intent and The District all in a row. Life with a television and a DVD player is good. :)

Saturday, January 15, 2005

You know, I'm very happy for those people who are fortunate enough to have their company at a school banquet requested by someone that they enjoy.

But please, LAY OFF with the asking who the rest of us are going with.

Some of us don't go, don't like to go, don't plan to go. Ever.

So stop, please.

Thanks.
...might it not be possible for a bad night's sleep to somehow leave a trace of itself on one's sheets? A remnant of melancholy, perhaps, which the linen could in some way absorb. Is it not in any way plausible...that my recent disturbed sleep might be the result of some ill feeling, previously sweated out, which, when rewarmed by my body, is made potent once again?
- Mick Jackson, The Underground Man

Our life experience is kept safe and sound in the strongroom of our Memory. It is here that we store our pasts. We keep no other record, save the odd souvenir, of life's small successes, its staggering failures, of those whom we have loved and (if we are fortunate) the ones who have loved us in return. The only assurance we have that our life has been well spent--or, for that matter, spent at all--is the proof delicately held in our Memory, in those great ledgers of the mind.

But what if the door to that room is broken? What if the rain and the wind get in? If they do, then we are in grave danger of becoming hopelessly and eternally lost.

And if such a havoc-wreaking illness should befall us our only solace would be that we might at least remain ignorant of what we had lost, and be left to live out our feeble days in a childlike ignorance. Yet, from what John Snow said, it seems he has been denied even that crumb of comfort. 'It's all there,' I distinctly recall him whispering to me, 'but there's no getting at it.'

Deprived of our memories we are deprived of our very selves. Without our histories we are vacated. We may walk and talk and eat and sleep, but, in truth, we are nobody.

- Mick Jackson, The Underground Man

Thursday, January 13, 2005


Some people seem to think that my happiness is like this.

In reality, it's more like this.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Yep. I'm going to die alone.
Though I've tried, I've fallen.../I have sunk so low/I have messed up/Better I should know/So don't come round here/And tell me I told you so...
- Sarah McLachlan

Is it okay to run from something because it makes you happy?

I'm acting like a 2-year-old, and I'm even annoying myself.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Cowboy Take Me Away
by The Dixie Chicks

I said, I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars
Oh it sounds good to me, I said

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you...
It's still raining.

Wisteria. Hullabaloo. Lemongrass. Picaresque.

A little bit of Canadian snow for all you crazy desert people.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
- Romans 3:23
Life is Skittles, and life is beer!
- Tom Lehrer

Friday, January 07, 2005

The road is long
The memory slides
To the whole of my undoing
Put aside
I put away
I push it back to get through each day
And all I feel is black and white
And I'm wound up small and tight
And I don't know who I am
Everybody loves you when you're easy
Everybody hates when you're a bore

- Sarah McLachlan, Black & White

Thursday, January 06, 2005

You know, in my country, we have certain rules.

1) The earth stays stable at least until a decent hour.

I think I have my contacts in the wrong eyes. Maybe it'll help me understand Asian Philosophical Traditions. ;)
Imagine if your father had killed your mother to save you, and then your half-sister vowed to kill your father because he killed your/her mother.

And I think my life sucks!

I love Alias. :)

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Monday, January 03, 2005

Unstable doesn't necessarily equal good, guys. Sometimes, unstable just equals unstable.
It is so difficult for me to think the best of people who have aversely effected me. It's easy for me to look at those who have hurt others, and think the best of them, or at least to attempt to be understanding of them and where they are coming from. But when I'm concerned, it's not so easy. I need a little Help with that.

School and its stresses suppress my creativity, I've decided. And so, I shall just have to quit school and move to Temecula. That's all there is to it.

The bitter taste of losing everything I have held so dear... Though I've tried, I've fallen... I have sunk so low, I've messed up better, I should know... So don't come round here and tell me I told you so...
- Sarah McLachlan, Fallen

Sunday, January 02, 2005

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear

- Sarah McLachlan, Fallen

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year, my friends! :)

This quarter and year are going to be fabulous. I just know it. Because if they aren't fabulous, well, then I'll just have to make them fabulous. And sometimes that takes a lot of energy!

Well, off I go to enjoy the first quiet evening of the year. Life is good. :)