Thursday, December 30, 2004

And here is what I have to say today:

  • Stop, stop, STOP clinging to people who make you miserable. If there are bad feelings from either end, don't just make it worse by maintaining unneeded constant close contact with those people. Just stop, and many things will likely right themselves in your life.

  • Garbage-bagging down a snowy hill at 2:30am is really, really fun.

  • Grobanites are incredibly cool. (Hi Trasi and Stacey and Tami!) :)

  • Hurrah for Chapters!

  • People in this country and America do not know the meaning of the word pain. Someone needs to do a documentary, and I'm the woman to do it. I just need a film student. C'mon, it'll be fun. Sort of.

  • Schindler is my hero.

  • Visited my grandpa's brother in the nursing home the other day. He has always had "spastic paralysis," or whatever that means today. He sure loves his harmonicas though.

  • I'm thinking I need to go to the Middle East. I always did have a crush on Aladdin. Oh those Middle Eastern men...

  • Donate to the Red Cross (Canadian or otherwise), or ADRA, or something. But do it. Those 120 thousand people need it more than you need a new CD. I promise.
  • Tuesday, December 28, 2004

    And, because I am ill and can't sleep, here is a list I just created on Amazon (out of pure boredom and restlessness) of just a few of the greatest books of my childhood (and beyond!).

    The Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer
    No Coins, Please by Gordon Korman (and everything else he's ever written)
    The Borrowers series by Mary Norton
    The Boxcar Children series by Gertrude Chandler Warner
    The Emily series by L.M. Montgomery (and everything else she's ever written)
    The Alanna series by Tamora Pierce
    Greek Myths for Young Children by Marcia Williams
    Eragon by Christopher Paolini
    The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke
    The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman (and everything else she's ever written)
    The Nancy Drew series by Carolyn Keene
    The Hardy Boys series by Franklin W. Dixon
    The Railway Children, Five Children and It, The Phoenix and the Carpet, The Story of the Amulet, and The Story of the Treasure-Seekers by Edith Nesbit (and everything else she's ever written)
    The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
    The Dark Is Rising series by Susan Cooper
    Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and the rest of the series by Betty MacDonald
    The Redwall series by Brian Jacques
    The A Wrinkle In Time series by Madeleine L'Engle
    Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell
    Remember My Name by Sara H. Banks
    The Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
    The Water-Babies by Charles Kingsley
    The Very Persistant Gappers of Frip by George Saunders
    Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
    Lost in the Barrens by Farley Mowat
    Swift Arrow by Josephine C. Edwards
    The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
    The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

    Oh, and that is only scratching the surface, my friends! If you want book recommendations, particularly within the children's literature genre, ask ask ask away!
    Won't the nausea and vomiting ever end?

    My apologies for the excess information.

    Monday, December 27, 2004

    There's a single white female
    Looking for that special lover
    To put it in a nutshell
    A one women man who doesn't want no other
    Oh, you never can tell
    She just might be your dream come true
    A
    single white female
    Is looking for a man like you

    - Chely Wright, Single White Female
    Baby baby stay
    Stay right where you are
    I like it this way
    It's good for my heart
    I haven't felt like this
    In God knows how long
    I know everything's gonna be okay
    If you just stay gone

    - Jimmy Wayne, Stay Gone
    I am so very, very flawed.

    Sunday, December 26, 2004

    La nuit du neige
  • I love listening to Radio Canada. Particularly the French one. Until my mother turns it off.

  • Ach, give the Canadian young men that I know a few years and a few heartbreaks and they'll be marvelous human beings! MARVELOUS, I tell you, MARVELOUS! And then I'll want one. :)

  • No more lives torn apart, and wars would never start, and time would heal all hearts... And everyone would have a friend, and right would always win, and love would never end...

  • Parents can be a blessing, and they can be a trap, and many times they're both.

  • JL: Oh admit it. You use me as a whetstone.

  • Every time I hear the electric mixer in the kitchen, I know there is a God, and that He is good.

  • Merry Boxing Day!
  • Friday, December 24, 2004

    Hurrah for Monica and her EXCELLENT rendition of Mary, Did You Know? tonight at the CPC Christmas Eve concert!

    I feel ill. I think there's a monster in my chest. Don't worry. When I jump into the fiery pit, I'll make sure I hang onto it, even as it's bursting through my ribs.

    Merry Christmas Eve!

    Thursday, December 23, 2004

    Winter
    by Tori Amos

    Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens
    Wipe my nose, get my new boots on
    I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter
    I put my hand in my father's glove

    I run off where the drifts get deeper
    Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
    I hear a voice 'you must learn to stand up for yourself
    Cause I can't always be around'

    He says when you gonna make up your mind
    When you gonna love you as much as I do
    When you gonna make up your mind
    Cause things are gonna change so fast
    All the white horses are still in bed
    I tell you that I'll always want you near
    You say that things change my dear

    Boys get discovered as winter melts
    Flowers competing for the sun
    Years go by and I'm here still waiting
    Withering where some snowman was

    Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
    But I only can see myself
    Skating around the truth who I am
    But I know, dad, the ice is getting thin

    When you gonna make up your mind
    When you gonna love you as much as I do
    When you gonna make up your mind
    Cause things are gonna change so fast
    All the white horses are still in bed
    I tell you that I'll always want you near
    You say that things change my dear

    Hair is grey and the fires are burning
    So many dreams on the shelf
    You say I wanted you to be proud of me
    I always wanted that myself

    When you gonna make up your mind
    When you gonna love you as much as I do
    When you gonna make up your mind
    Cause things are gonna change so fast
    All the white horses have gone ahead
    I tell you that I'll always want you near
    You say that things change my dear

    Never change

    All the white horses

    Wednesday, December 22, 2004

    Saw the Snicket film yesterday! Not as good as the books. But then, taking something so literary and making a movie out of it is difficult. The visuals were incredible--costumes, architecture, etc. And the casting was perfect. But Klaus needs glasses! It's important later, I say!

    And Meet the Fockers it was tonight, with Peter, Nathan, and Monica. It was great--much like the first one. But I think the best part was the donuts in the snowy parking lot afterwards! :) How I'd missed those...

    Also saw Supersize Me. Very gross. Never eat at McDonald's.

    In any case, the snow is beautiful, there's great food, I get to sleep in, and I get to spend time with good friends and family. What could be more marvelous?! :)

    Sunday, December 19, 2004

    You need to read this.

    I know it's long, but it's worth it.

    The more we take, the less we become...
    - Sarah McLachlan


    Following is a message board post by a woman who has worked with the Grobanites for Charity team to fund a South African AIDS orphanage this Christmas.

    Hello, all…

    I am pleased to let you know more about where some of the money you have contributed to the Josh Groban Foundation is going. It's going to be a long posting, but I want to give you all the details!

    As some of you may know, I am an American, living in South Africa for three years with my husband, a U.S. Foreign Service Regional Medical Officer. As a member of the US Embassy community here, I was able to learn about a project that was doing such good work and was desperately in need of funding. Lindy Groban was very moved by the project, and has approved funding for the project from the Josh Groban Foundation.

    Zamimpilo AIDS Orphanage

    It is estimated that over 14% of the entire population of South Africa is HIV+; in some provinces, the rate is much higher than that, and KwaZulu Natal in eastern South Africa has the highest. In some areas, communities are being devastated by AIDS, leaving no family members to care for children whose parents have died of the disease. There are over a million AIDS orphans in SA, and many of these children are HIV+ themselves. In some cases, people from these very poor communities have begun to take on the task of caring for the children, and these small 'orphanages' are the only means of survival that these children have. These people are doing heroic work, since it is enough of a struggle to put food on their own families' tables.

    It is estimated that over 14% of the entire population of South Africa is HIV+; in some provinces, the rate is much higher than that, and KwaZulu Natal in eastern South Africa, has the highest. In some areas of this province (which is largely Zulu people) communities are being devastated by AIDS, leaving no family members to care for children whose parents have died of the disease, many of whom are HIV+ themselves. In some cases, people from these very poor communities have taken on the task of caring for the children, and these small 'orphanages' are the only means of survival that these children have.

    The Zamimpilo Orphanage in KwaMashu Township is such a facility. It was started by a remarkable woman named Faith Mathethwa, who operates a training facility for home-based AIDS care workers (who work as volunteers who often provide the only care people with AIDS receive in villages and townships. As the volunteers' patients came closer to death, some urged them to care for their children, since there was no one else. Faith began to take the children in to stay at the training center building, and two year later, the same building now houses 86 children ranging in age from 9 months to 15 years. The children cannot be tested for fear they will be ostracized, but it is assumed that many are HIV+. The Center has already lost 20 children over its 2-year existence.

    The facility operates in the one building, which is where the children eat, sleep, play, and in the case of the younger children, go to school (the older children go next door to a township school). The orphanage is lucky to have electricity and running water, but the facilites are VERY basic. There are no beds- the children sleep on the floor. There is the tiniest of kitchens, with only a hot plate and no refrigerator. There is one bathtub...with a broken faucet.

    In addition to Faith, there are 20 amazing volunteers, many of whom are also AIDS home-care workers, who do everything from working in the garden, which is a primary source of food for the children, to feeding, bathing, and working with the children.

    The most amazing and inspiring thing is that, despite the harsh conditions, the children are very well cared for. I went to visit the orphanage a little over a month ago, and I was truly amazed and extremely moved by the effort these women are putting forth, working with virtually no funding and such basic facilities. The food is donated by the local community in bits at a time, and an occasional individual will donate a bag of used clothing, but that is it.

    It is a project which has run well on so little, and it is for that reason that the Foundation wants to provide more to make the lives of these children and their care-givers alittle easier, and to help them to flourish and grow.

    The Foundation has made a very generous donation to enable the children of Zamimpilo to have a Christmas, which they otherwise would not have. I have been busy shopping for 86 kids! Each child will have a stuffed animal to cuddle (except for the teen boys, who will get model cars...the wheel thing with guys is universal!), a new outfit of clothing, and a bag of sweets. In addition, YOU are providing new cooking and serving equipment, outdoor playthings, art materials, a cd player and music (GUESS who's playing!), blocks, puzzles, and other educational toys, cleaning supplies, baby needs, bulk grocery items,etc, etc.

    There also will be a Christmas lunch provided to all, and little gifts for the volunteers. I could never do all this alone...I have gotten great support form the US Embassy here in Pretoria and the US Consulate in Durban. Chalone Savant, a former Texan who is the Consulate's Self-Help Coordinator has been my right arm, and we have a caravan of Embassy folks who will be helping to cart all this out to the Orphange on Wednesday, December 22, and be the necessary 'elves'.

    The Foundation also has plans to make some much-needed improvements to the orphanage facility, including purchasing sleeping mats, kitchen equipment and outdoor play equipment.

    I can't tell you how gratifying it has been for me to be involved in this effort...and to have this so deserving group of South African children receive help through YOUR generosity and the incredibly generous spirits of Josh and his family...makes it very special, indeed.

    And, oh yes...pictures! Go here to view the Zamimpilo album so far:

    Zamimpilo AIDS Orphanage

    Needless to say, there'll be LOTS more pics after next week!

    Thank you again for your incredible generosity....together, this group can do ANYTHING!!

    -Andrea
    Oh the varied glories of Niagara Falls! ;)

    I love my friends. :D

    Friday, December 17, 2004

    Well, I got to see David, Robbie, Sarah, Bob, Tim, and Monica today! :) Well, mostly David, Robbie, Sarah and Monica. Hurrah!

    There's snow all over the ground. It's gorgeous. :)

    Oh how I hate unpacking...

    Thursday, December 16, 2004

    Some people disgust me on a basic level. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person.

    Sometimes it takes just as long to see the good in someone as it takes to see the bad.
    - Andrew Evans, Advice from Behind the Hairdresser's Chair, 2004

    Some people, on the other hand, are fantastic in every way apparent--like Andy. I need to go get my hair cut more often. Ah, it is short, and more reddish. What glorious relief!

    Wednesday, December 15, 2004

    In the morning I leave for the Frozen North, wonderful place that it is. Pray for me, my young and old and new friends!

    Wish me luck in finishing The View from Nebo: How Archaeology is Rewriting the Bible and Reshaping the Middle East, and in reading The Underground Man, Archaeology of the Circle, The Tree of Swords and Jewels, Death on the Ice, and Ah, but Your Land is Beautiful, as that is my goal for the break.

    There are presents under the tree, and we're leaving it. There is a cat named Fluffy in the garage, and we're leaving it. And most importantly, there is goat cheese in the fridge and we're leaving it. Sometimes, life just isn't fair.

    Monday, December 13, 2004

    Dammit, people! I am not "elite", I am not "above common issues", and I most certainly do not appreciate being treated as such. If you insist on being condescending to me, then I have absolutely no interest in communicating with you on any level. In other words, stop it!

    Okay, I'm going to attempt to relax now, and hope that I've gotten my message across.

    Sunday, December 12, 2004

    I have an insurmountable and self-destructive tendency to try to make myself an intellectually well-rounded individual. Help! I can't decide whether to keep my major, which I enjoy, or go somewhere where they have the one I think I might really want!
    What is this curse, this doom? Why must history repeat itself like this? Ecclesiastes my foot. Can there truly be nothing new under the sun? At least, for me? It's like trying to figure out which of a thousand keys will unlock a door, without a light, and without hope.

    Why does the door have to be locked? Why can't I just open it and step through? All the wanting in the world, however, doesn't manufacture a flashlight or make the key in my hand the right one. I deeply envy whoever has the key that fits this door.

    Saturday, December 11, 2004

    Following are a couple of quotes. I apologize for the length, particularly of the first, but they're really worth reading, I promise!

    At eighteen, the true narrative of life is yet to be commenced. Before that time we sit listening to a tale, a marvellous fiction, delightful sometimes and sad sometimes, almost always unreal. Before that time our world is heroic, its inhabitants half-divine or semi-demon; its scenes are dream-scenes; darker woods and stranger hills, brighter skies, more dangerous waters, sweeter flowers, more tempting fruits, wider plains, drearier deserts, sunnier fields than are found in nature, over-spread our enchanted globe. What a moon we gaze on before that time! How the trembling of our hearts at her aspect bears witness to its unutterable beauty! As to our sun, it is a burning heaven--the world of gods.

    At that time, at eighteen, drawing near the confines of illusive, void dreams, Elf-land lies behind us, the shores of Reality rise in front. These shores are yet distant; they look so blue, soft, gentle, we long to reach them. In sunshine we see a greenness beneath the azure, as of spring meadows; we catch glimpses of silver lines, and imagine the roll of living waters. Could we but reach this land, we think to hunger and thirst no more; whereas many a wilderness, and often the flood of death, or some stream of sorrow as cold and almost as black as death, is to be crossed ere true bliss can be tasted. Every joy that life gives must be earned ere it is secured; and how hardly earned, those only know who have wrestled for great prizes. The heart's blood must gem with red beads the brow of the combatant, before the wreath of victory rustles over it.

    At eighteen, we are not aware of this. Hope, when she smiles on us, and promises happiness tomorrow, is implicitly believed; Love, when he comes wandering like a lost angel to our door, is at once admitted, welcomed, embraced. His quiver is not seen; if his arrows penetrate, their wound is like a thrill of new life. There are no fears of poison, none of the barb which no leech's hand can extract. That perilous passion--an agony ever in some of its phases; with many, an agony throughout--is believed to be an unqualified good. In short, at eighteen the school of experience is to be entered, and her humbling, crushing, grinding, but yet purifying and invigorating lessons are yet to be learned.

    Alas, Experience! No other mentor has so wasted and frozen a face as yours, none wears a robe so black, none bears a rod so heavy, none with hand so inexorable draws the novice so sternly to his task, and forces him with authority so resistless to its acquirement. It is by your instructions alone that man or woman can ever find a safe track through life's wilds; without it, how they stumble, how they stray! On what forbidden grounds do they intrude, down what dread declivities are they hurled!
    (Charlotte Bronte, Shirley, p.73-74)

    * * *

    You expected bread and you have got a stone: break your teeth on it, and don't shriek because the nerves are martyrised; do not doubt that your mental stomach--if you have such a thing--is strong as an ostrich's; the stone will digest. You held out your hand for an egg, and fate put into it a scorpion. Show no consternation; close your fingers firmly upon the gift; let it sting through your palm. Never mind; in time, after your hand and arm have swelled and quivered long with torture, the squeezed scorpion will die, and you will have learned the great lesson how to endure without a sob. For the whole remnant of your life, if you survive the test--some, it is said, die under it--you will be stronger, wiser, less sensitive. (Charlotte Bronte, Shirley, p. 79)

    Good stuff, eh?!

    World on Fire
    by Sarah McLachlan

    Hearts are worn in these dark ages
    You're not alone in this story's pages
    Night has fallen amongst the living and the dying
    And I try to hold it in, yeah I try to hold it in

    [Chorus]
    The world's on fire and
    It's more than I can handle
    I dive into the water
    (I try to pull my ship)
    I try to bring more
    More than I can handle
    (Bring it to the table)
    Bring what I am able

    I watch the heavens and I find a calling
    Something I can do to change this moment
    Stay close to me while the sky is falling
    Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

    [Chorus]

    Hearts break, hearts mend
    Love still hurts
    Visions clash, planes crash
    Still there's talk of
    Saving souls, still the cold
    Is closing in on us

    We part the veil on Archille's sun
    Stray from the straight line on this short run
    The more we take, the less we become
    A fortune of one that means less for some

    [Chorus x2]


    Excuse me. I need to go crochet.
    So someone said they wanted to know what I was thinking. Apparently, this person feels that that is what blogging is all about. Pshaw, I say! Can't I just collect the thoughts of others? I mean, I know Emerson would disapprove whole-heartedly, but he's dead, so who cares?! ;)

    What am I thinking? Today I'm pondering how difficult it is to take the bad along with the good in others. Granted, also not a terribly original thought. But I think it's something that has day-to-day relevance. All that life consists of is various types of interaction between people. Accepting others isn't easy for everyone. I admire thoroughly those people who can do it and make it seem as though it comes naturally. I realize I'm being rather vague. (Always my downfall in scholastic analysis.) But I'm an INFJ! I'm supposed to be abstract. So there!

    Well, the train of sleep is leaving the station, and I still have to get through the division between platforms. Bon nuit, mes amis!

    Friday, December 10, 2004

    I have got to get more sleep. My ability to interact with other people with any semblance of normality has reached a shocking low, even for me.

    On the bright side, I have three weeks to sleep, and two of them in a country with clean air. All hail emissions testing and really leafy trees.

    Oh the things that Eminem, Zebrahead, and Wheatus can do for the soul at times.

    Wednesday, December 08, 2004

    I know, quote after quote after quote... But it's finals week! Can you really blame me?!

    Love me without fear,
    Trust me without questioning,
    Need me without demanding,
    Want me without restrictions,
    Accept me without change,
    Desire me without inhibitions,
    For a love so free...
    Will never fly away.

    - Dick Sutphen

    Tuesday, December 07, 2004

    ...our great creative Mother, while she amuses us with apparently working in the broadest sunshine, is yet severely careful to keep her own secrets, and, in spite of her pretended openness, shows us nothing but results. She permits us indeed, to mar, but seldom to mend, and, like a jealous patentee, on no account to make.
    - Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Birth-mark

    Monday, December 06, 2004

    ...personal pronouns are the death of me...See? I just said me...
    - Darren Hayes, "Ego", The Tension and the Spark

    This should be an inspiration to us all: In Search of a Better Life...
    From a drop of water a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. So all life is a great chain, the nature of which is known whenever we are shown a link of it.
    - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, A Study in Scarlet


    Penny is looking at me unblinkingly.

    I need to be careful, or I'll become like Poe with the cats.

    Sunday, December 05, 2004

    Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
    by Big & Rich

    Well, I walk into the room
    Passing out hundred dollar bills
    And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill
    And I buy the bar a double round of crown
    And everybody's getting down an' this town
    Ain't never gonna be the same

    (Chorus:)
    Cause I saddle up my horse
    And I ride into the city
    I make a lot of noise
    Cause the girls they are so pretty
    Riding up and down Broadway on my old stud Leroy
    And the girls say
    Save a horse, ride a cowboy
    Everybody says
    Save a horse, ride a cowboy

    Well I don't give a dang about nothing
    I'm singing and bling-blingin'
    While the girls are drinking
    Long necks down!
    And I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy
    Or my Chevrolet for your Escalade
    Or your freak parade
    I'm the only John Wayne left in this town

    Chorus

    (Spoken:)
    I'm a thorough-bred
    That's what she said
    In the back of my truck bed
    As I was gettin' buzzed on suds
    Out on some back country road
    We where flying high
    Fining, whine, having ourselves a big and rich time
    And I was going just about as far as she'd let me go
    But her evaluation
    Of my cowboy reputation
    Had me begging for salvation
    All night long
    So I took her out giggin' frogs
    Introduced her to my old bird dog
    And sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of
    And we made love

    Chorus

    What? What?
    Save a horse, ride a cowboy
    Everybody says
    Save a horse, ride a cowboy
    California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange.
    - Fred Allen
    I think I have a masochistic fascination with not sleeping.

    Life is nothing more than a bus ride to the cemetery, with everyone fighting for the best seats.
    - A cynical atheist

    Saturday, December 04, 2004

    How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
    - Barry Lopez, Arctic Dreams

    Thursday, December 02, 2004

    God loves idiots. That is why He made so many of them.
    - Anonymous


    Watch Sarah McLachlan's World On Fire video. Pastor Sam showed it at Rendezvous this week. I'm so proud to be Canadian sometimes.

    Am I running to or from?
    There are so many doors in this hallway. And now here are two, at the end of it all. And one is wide open, and I am hesitant to step inside, into the light. And the other one is locked and barred, and it's the one I want most to walk through, and into whatever darkness waits on the other side.

    Wednesday, December 01, 2004

    This is the most awesome song ever.

    Beers Are Not Enough
    (Tears Are Not Enough parody)

    As every ship comes in
    From Canada again
    We open it and we begin to wail

    They could have sent us wheat
    Or something we could eat
    But not another case of Molson's ale

    The Chinese they came through
    With dinner number two
    And extra plum sauce on the side

    But Canadians are weird
    They always send us beer
    And we can't stop them,
    Though we've tried

    Chorus
    So when you send assistance
    When you send it all that distance
    Don't you know that beers are not enough
    It's hard to stand and we're all sober
    Just one beer would knock us over
    Heaven knows that beers are not enough

    The Swiss they sent us cheese
    We got rice from the Japanese
    And Mexico sent us something warm and brown

    The British sent us spam
    With buttered scones and jam
    And cups of tea to wash it down

    Chorus x 2

    Monday, November 29, 2004

    It was after Thanksgiving that I realized how grateful I am for my friends, both old and new, who really care about me. I don't deserve any of them.

    Sunday, November 28, 2004

    Cry Ophelia
    by Adam Cohen

    Something went wrong
    You're not laughing
    It's not so easy now to get you to smile
    You gotta be strong
    To walk these streets
    And keep from falling
    But when you're not, just let yourself cry

    You've been working so hard
    Just trying to pay the rent
    Tryin' to draw the line between who you are
    And who you invent
    But if you throw a stone
    Something's gonna shatter somewhere
    We're all so fragile
    We're all so scared

    You say you wanna learn
    How to live your life without tears
    But we've been trying to do that
    For thousands of years
    So go on and cry Ophelia
    It's the only thing to do sometimes
    You know I'm crying too
    Right there with you
    It's alright Ophelia
    Everybody cries

    Thank god for my bad memory
    I've forgotten some of the stupid things
    That I've done
    I've come to a little wisdom
    Through a whole lot of failure
    So I watch more carefully
    What rolls off my tongue

    You pray for rain
    But you don't want it from a storm
    You find a rose
    And cut your finger on a thorn
    So go on and cry Ophelia
    It's the only thing to do sometimes
    You know I'm crying too
    Right there with you
    It's alright Ophelia
    Everybody cries
    Every man has his secret sorrows, which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad.
    - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

    Friday, November 26, 2004

    Things are looking up for my uncle. Thanks to those of you who kept him in your prayers...

    Fluffy, really impressed.
    2 Timothy 1:7

    "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

    Wednesday, November 24, 2004

    Another one of my days where I am overwhelmingly sad for humanity.

    Please pray for my uncle. He is one of the coolest and most brilliant men that I know, and last night he found out suddenly and violently that he has a cancerous tumor larger than the organ itself on his kidney. Tomorrow we will know if there is anything they can do or not. He has a beautiful, devoted wife and two wonderful little boys. Please pray.

    We "need" cancer because, by the very fact of its incurability, it makes all other diseases, however virulent, not cancer.
    - Gilbert Adair, British author and critic. Myths and Memories, "Under the Sign of Cancer" (1986).

    But what is it not, when it is cancer?

    Tuesday, November 23, 2004


    And here is Fluffy, aghast at her wet pawprints, and making sure she didn't break her mother's back...

    My mandarin orange tree. Mmmm...

    This is Two. She likes to have her picture taken.

    A view from the foot of my new bed. Oh, it's glorious! I feel like I belong in a harem! Not that that's necessarily a positive, but in this case it is. :)
    It is one of the secrets of Nature in its mood of mockery that fine weather lays heavier weight on the mind and hearts of the depressed and the inwardly tormented than does a really bad day with dark rain sniveling continuously and sympathetically from a dirty sky.
    - Muriel Spark, Territorial Rights, 1979

    It's cold. In fact, as I typed that, I heard the furnace flare up and begin to roar like a newly-caged stallion. Now the vents are coming on, and the air is whistling through them at an alarming rate. I hope the house doesn't lift off. That could be tragic for Fluffy; she doesn't like air travel.

    For the man sound in body and serene of mind there is no such thing as bad weather; every day has its beauty, and storms which whip the blood do but make it pulse more vigorously.
    - George Gissing, "Winter," The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft, 1903

    Snow in the mountains. People are finding this a cause for excitement. Couples abandon their vehicles on the side of the freeway to frolick in the scrapings of snow beside it. Men call their wives to instruct them in the proper points from which to view those great frosted lumps in all their rugged glory. Canadians are vaguely puzzled, but attempt to understand.

    A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.
    - Carl Reiner

    Me too, until I moved to the desert state of California. Cacti abound and coyotes stalk tumbleweeds under the hot, dry moon. Dust, and dust, and dust... Do Californians use more Swiffers and featherdusters per capita?

    Sometimes I wonder if Lewis and Clark shouldn’t have been made to file an environmental impact study before they got started west, and Columbus before he ever sailed. They might never have got their permits.
    - Wallace Stegner

    What is it about California that makes one want to visit it before it was so thickly and inextricably inhabited? The haze of smog that obscures the mountains? The downtrodden native people and animals and plants? The Last Resort?

    We satisfy our endless needs and justify our bloody deeds
    In the name of destiny and in the name of God.

    - The Eagles, "The Last Resort," Hotel California, 1976

    May your phones always be charged.

    Sunday, November 21, 2004

    Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy
    By Douglas Adams

    Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker and Samuel Stoddard

    -------------------------------------------------------

    (The Earth gets BLOWN UP.)

    Arthur: I'm a bit upset about that.
    Ford: Yes, I can understand that.

    (They fly around the galaxy. They go UNDERGROUND, where they see...)

    Arthur: The Earth.
    Deep Thought: Forty two.

    THE END

    Tuesday, November 16, 2004

    For your amusement, the site(s) aforementioned:

    Book-A-Minute

    Movie-A-Minute

    I hope they bring you as many years of entertainment as they have generously bestowed upon me.

    Saturday, November 13, 2004

    In the tradition of one of my all-time favourite websites, I shall now sum up Puccini's Turandot.

    Prince: My father is blind, and exiled, and I seek to bring more misery upon him through the foolish desires of my loins! Aha! Here's my chance! Yonder is a cruel and beautiful Princess who doesn't want to marry anyone!

    Princess: No one shall possess me! And if some sort of anonymous Stranger tries, I shall torture the loyal servantgirl of his blind father until she tells me the Stranger's name! That's the ticket!

    Prince: My fire shall melt your ice!

    Princess: Go away!

    Prince kisses Princess.

    Princess: You have ruined me, and taken away my glory! But I love you!

    Prince: You are mine...MINE!

    The End

    Thursday, November 11, 2004

    Um, have I done something to deserve this?

    Because, if not, could it stop?

    Please?

    Tuesday, November 09, 2004

    God was busy healing babies' bruises...
    God was busy answering prayers...
    God was busy cleaning a wounded earth...
    God was busy picking you off the ground...

    - Jann Arden

    Monday, November 08, 2004

    O George... Dost thou remember those interminable math classes of old? Those long intervals of time during which we would try our hardest not to learn, and would instead dream of running away to the jungle... When we would plan to eat the monkeys and study the fruit and read only Thoreau... Those days when we would map out our home in the trees... Ah for those afternoons once again. Lost youth... How tragic; how irretrievable!
    Babies, lost.

    Saturday, November 06, 2004

    Hope is never lost; it waits in our hearts like a floating feather. Or, it sits there like a stone, weighing us down. Hope is many things--it can lift you and sink you. Remember that. There is a time to abandon it.
    - from i'll tell you one damn thing and that's all i know: Selected Journals of Jann Arden

    I have a headache.

    Friday, November 05, 2004

    (1) What and who is there to hate, and why? I find less and less all the time. Definitely a positive. Of course, that's this week. What about next?

    (2) The joys of a wireless keyboard are endless. Seriously.

    (3) "'Cathy,' I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh, 'Michigan seems like a dream to me now...'"

    (4) The agape feast was cool, except for the styrofoam bread. I doubt the symbol of the body of Christ is supposed to melt in your mouth. Don't you?

    (5) I need to write letters. To Jana! And Diana, my charming Romanian pen pal whom I communicate with in French. The world is a convoluted place sometimes.

    (6) "Watching the cars on the New Jersey turnpike--they've all come to look for America..."

    (7) I found the bedding of my dreams today. Having such bedding in one's room, complete with the window treatments and the mosquito netting, would make one feel as though one had instantly stepped through a wormhole to India. (Oh the dark reds, the beads, the satin!) It's $659.49. Or something like that. Maybe God will have it for me in heaven. I'm hoping.

    (8) K.C. has made me into a choppy-sentenced individual. I haven't decided whether or not to hurt him for it yet. (Chinese water torture?) ;)

    (9) I love my robe. It's so soft, so green, so warm, so expensive, so mine.

    (10) "And the moon rose over an open field..."

    Thursday, November 04, 2004

    So, things have taken an interesting turn.

    It's almost like one day I was walking down the street in Riverside, minding my own business, when I turned a corner, looked up, and was suddenly in Taiwan!

    Weird...

    Sunday, October 31, 2004

    Wow, so that was like a 20-hour party. Incredible!

    Personally, I thought it was wonderful, dancing and all. :)

    Friday, October 29, 2004

    Sweet Girl
    by Fleetwood Mac

    And he says, What do you love to do?
    Outside your world,
    Who spends time with you
    From whom do you learn when you're not working... Sweet Girl....

    Where would you go if you had the time?
    Crossing some crazy state line somewhere?
    To whom do you cry
    When people are unkind... Sweet Girl

    I chose to dance across the stages of the world
    Everyone said I'd never learn
    I still hear your words
    I waited all my life for you... Sweet Girl

    I did try to come back and listen
    You never knew that I didn't wish it
    But I did hear every answer, every question
    It's all about protection

    Still through the sunlight days I wait
    Track a ghost through the fog
    The sun is burning me
    And you come running out in the wind with me
    The ocean is your blanket

    I chose to dance across the stages of the world
    Everyone said I'd never learn
    I still hear your words
    Well, I waited all my life for you
    I watched you fly across the world in a golden ball
    Many of the cities, I never saw at all

    Sometimes I think I was always on-call
    Sometimes even I am allowed to fall
    He says, Come down here for a minute... Sweet Girl...

    Thursday, October 28, 2004

    Cathy, I'm lost, I said, though I knew she was sleeping
    I'm empty and I'm aching and I don't know why...

    - Paul Simon, "America"
    I took these, and thought of Greg. "Hi, Greg!"

    You are Slackware Linux. You are the brightest among your peers, but are often mistaken as insane.  Your elegant solutions to problems often take a little longer, but require much less effort to complete.
    Which OS are You?


    You are Susan Gezi.Your father was killed by a planned motor accident. He was the former Zimbabwean Minister for Youth & Gender Equality. You have $22,000,000 to share.  You want to assure me this transaction is 100% risk free.
    Which Nigerian spammer are You?


    You are .mp3 The kids love you.  You get along with just about everybody except the music industry.  You really make yourself heard.
    Which File Extension are You?

    Wednesday, October 27, 2004

    Door? Or steel barricade lined with electric barbed wire?

    Sometimes they look the same...

    Tuesday, October 26, 2004

    But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.: The Savage in chapter 17. Here the Savage explains the old world reasoning. He asserts that true life requires exposure to all things, good and evil.

    Monday, October 25, 2004

    I am Insidious Atom!

    http://www.rootcompromise.org/hhg
    If someone would kindly invent a germ vacuum and a homework robot that also does public speaking, I would be really grateful.

    ...So if everyone could just get right on that one, that would be great. Thanks!

    Sunday, October 24, 2004

    What must it be like to watch the icy fingers of Death creep closer and closer with each passing minute? To stare at the clock at night and think, Why am I sleeping?! I'm wasting time... To feel the air in your lungs each morning and the steady wave of relief with each breath? To cling with all of your might to the love of your life each night? To remember all of the time you spent angry or rude or jealous or judgmental? To tell everyone you can how much they mean to you? To look back on your life and wonder if your selfless moments outweighed your pettiness? To stare at your family photographs, reliving each moment in your heart, feeling the thrill of each recalled memory, the ache of each regret? To feel your body wear out, day by day? May she have the strength to bear it, and may she pass on in Christ.

    My neighbour has three to four months to live. Pancreatic cancer found during a routine check-up. Please pray for her.

    Friday, October 22, 2004

    The Way Things Are Going
    by Jann Arden

    I used to think that I was a good girl
    I used to think that the world was fair
    Things have gone just a little bit crazy
    Don't think I belong anywhere

    I'm not so sure, I don't think I know
    And I'm not afraid to tell you I'm a little bit scared
    The way things are going I'm never gonna get there
    No, the way things are going I'm never gonna get there

    I used to think that I was a dreamer
    I used to have my head in the clouds
    Lately life's been nothing but a nightmare
    The world keeps turning around and around
    The world keeps turning around and around
    The world keeps turning around and around

    I feel so close, I don't think I know
    And it's hard for me to tell you, its a little bit weird
    The way things are going I'm never gonna get there
    No, the way things are going I'm never gonna get there

    I used to think I was a dreamer

    I'm never gonna get there

    No the way things are going I'm never gonna get there

    I used to be a good girl
    I used to be a good girl
    I used to be a good girl
    I used to be a good girl

    Thursday, October 21, 2004

    Jealousy is sinfully sweet. We cannot seem to get enough of it. I think when you have been bitten once, jealousy moves in for the kill. What I mean by that, is when you have been betrayed somehow, physically or mentally, when you lose trust in someone, jealousy moves in permanently. It brings its toothbrush and takes the spare room. You hear it in there at night watching Leno. "Need anything before I go to sleep?" it calls. "One last reminder of how weak you are???" I hate the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of being jealous.

    - From i'll tell you one damn thing and that's all i know!, selected journals of Jann Arden
    I'm ill. :(

    Tuesday, October 19, 2004

    Who is the Greatest Canadian? I guess we'll see, won't we?
    You know what would be fantastic? If I could stop falling asleep. Then maybe I could actually study for my midterms tomorrow instead of laying in bed like a comatose lump and dreaming about having my cat in the dorm.

    Sunday, October 17, 2004

    A Poison Tree
    by William Blake

    I was angry with my friend:
    I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
    I was angry with my foe;
    I told it not, my wrath did grow.

    And I water'd it in fears,
    Night & morning with my tears;
    And I sunned it with my smiles
    And with soft deceitful wiles.

    And it grew both day and night,
    Till it bore an apple bright;
    And my foe beheld it shine,
    And he knew that it was mine,

    And into my garden stole
    When the night had veil'd the pole:
    In the morning glad I see
    My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.
    I'm Not Your Lover
    by Jann Arden

    I'm not your lover
    And I am not your baby no more
    I'm not your girlfriend
    And you don't have to tell me
    'Cause I already know
    You already broke me down

    I'm not your perfect angel
    I am not your one and only
    I'm not your sweet magnolia
    It's not like you never told me
    Love was just a fast car
    And I was just a cross on the road

    Now you've got my tongue all twisted
    You've got me all strung out
    I'm lining up the pieces of my heart
    On the kitchen floor
    Is that what love is?
    Is that what love's all about?

    I'm not your lover
    And I don't think you ever loved me
    I'm not your partner
    And I don't think I ever could be
    Love is like lightning
    Thunder's what you've got when it's gone...


    I love this song! :)

    I remember it from my childhood. Around third grade, I guess. It was fantastic. :D

    Saturday, October 16, 2004

    It's one of those days. Those days that just are. There's nothing particularly special about it, and nothing particularly ordinary either. It just exists, and I in it.

    I'll keep my windows open to let in the cool air. I'll wrap up in a blanket with some hot tea and a book, and enjoy this day that is. I'll listen to Gregorian chants and try to sing along. I'll see how much water I can drink. I'll ponder my solitude. I'll think of all the things I have to do and then ignore them. I'll straighten my rugs. I'll paint my nails. I'll read my favourite blogs. I'll sit back and think of home. I'll phone Monica and giggle with her. I'll make pasta with Felisa. I'll sit. And I'll be content.
    It's not sunny! There's nothing like a nice cloudy day in the pseudo-autumn that we have here in SoCal.

    Oak Glen! I really need to go there. I can't live without my favourite season...

    Well, I'm going to go and just relax and enjoy Sabbath. Without it, I would die. I'm sure of it.

    Friday, October 15, 2004

    This is just a little thank-you to K.C., who always manages to make me feel better. Happy, even! Thanks, K.C....
    How can you go two hundred miles
    Without seeing a single soul
    I should have stuck on the main road
    I should have stuck on the main road
    Now I'm waiting, I am waiting...

    - Jann Arden, from Waiting For Someone on the Time For Mercy album

    Ever wish you were normal? I do, for a minute or two every couple of years.

    Thursday, October 14, 2004

    we put the "pro" in procrastination

    This blog has been established for the Honors students of La Sierra University, in order to reinforce a sense of community and to bring us closer together in a friendly and accepting environment for discussion on any topic. If you would like to be added as a contributor, just send me an e-mail at kelly5_@hotmail.com and I will send you an invitation. It's fast, easy, and fun! ;)

    Tuesday, October 12, 2004


    My cat, Fluffy. She's fantastic. And yes, I'm still just playing with the fun picture-posting software. It's incredible.

    Monday, October 11, 2004

    The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.
    - Hunter S. Thompson
    And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like
    They do
    But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how
    To get it back to good

    - Matchbox 20, Back 2 Good

    This is me. I am mostly testing my new software for this. But this is really for your edification too. :)
    Now this is a real woman.
    Dr. Dupée is the most marvelous man. I just got my Italy paper back today.

    A wonderful paper--written with great imagination and style. Filled with subtle, delicious little ironies and asides. You have a gift Mademoiselle Krueger.

    And then, throughout the paper, little comments like, "a very literary passage", "a delight to read", "clever"...

    Sorry, just had to brag a little bit. It made me happy. :)

    Oh, by the way, if any of you want to read the "story" of how my mother and my new step-dad met, or see pictures of the wedding, you can do both here.

    Saturday, October 09, 2004

    The wedding is tonight. I slept in, went for a light lunch at my grandparents', and came home and went outside to commune with nature, alone. I love Ontario in October. It's chilly and windy, and the sky is gray, and the leaves are changing colour, and the air smells wonderful. I don't know when I've been so busy, and I don't remember the last time I was more relaxed. There is so much emotion going on in my house right now...and I'm enjoying every minute of it, tears and all. That fresh Ontario air does things like that to a person. :)

    Thursday, October 07, 2004

    Excuse my deplorable language, but...

    Why is it that I find bastardly men attractive?

    Wednesday, October 06, 2004

    Somehow I will make it through the next week. Somehow! And if I fail, then I shall fail completely. After all, why do a thing half-way?

    Monday, October 04, 2004

    AUGH! Why have interpersonal relationships? WHY? They're so DIFFICULT!

    Sunday, October 03, 2004

    Is There Any Reward?
    by Hilaire Belloc

    Is there any reward?
    I'm beginning to doubt it.
    I am broken and bored,
    Is there any reward
    Reassure me, Good Lord,
    And inform me about it.
    Is there any reward?
    I'm beginning to doubt it.

    Saturday, October 02, 2004

    Ah the Bradley vespers. What can I say; the man is marvelous! We really need to have these more often.

    Thursday, September 30, 2004

    Thank heavens I have no more classes until Monday afternoon! Whew. Man, my weeks are shorter now, but they sure are brutal. (Ah, camping, Mike, Jerry, Monica, fire...LOL!)

    Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PETER! Come to La Sierra next year. It'll be fun. :) Oh, and I want to go on the Breaker High thing. Haha. Just pay for me and I'm there. LOL

    "Gentlemen," I said at last, as the party ascended the steps, "I delight to have allayed your suspicions. I wish you all health, and a little more courtesy. By the bye, gentlemen, this--this is a very well constructed house." [In the rabid desire to say something easily, I scarcely knew what I uttered at all.]--"I may say an excellently constructed house. These walls--are you going, gentlemen?--these walls are solidly put together;" and here, through the mere phrenzy of bravado, I rapped heavily, with a cane which I held in my hand, upon that very portion of the brick-work behind which stood the corpse of the wife of my bosom.

    But may God shield and deliver me from the fangs of the Arch-Fiend! No sooner had the reverberation of my blows sunk into silence, than I was answered by a voice from within the tomb!--by a cry, at first muffled and broken, like the sobbing of a child, and then quickly swelling into one long, loud, and continuous scream, utterly anomalous and inhuman--a howl--a wailing shriek, half of horror and half of triumph, such as might have arisen only out of hell, conjointly from the throats of the damned in their agony and of the demons that exult in the damnation.

    Of my own thoughts it is folly to speak. Swooning, I staggered to the opposite wall. For one instant the party upon the stairs remained motionless, through extremity of terror and of awe. In the next, a dozen stout arms were toiling at the wall. It fell bodily. The corpse, already greatly decayed and clotted with gore, stood erect before the eyes of the spectators. Upon its head, with red extended mouth and solitary eye of fire, sat the hideous beast whose craft had seduced me into murder, and whose informing voice had consigned me to the hangman. I had walled the monster up within the tomb!


    - From The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe

    Wednesday, September 29, 2004

    There's a lot to be said for frolicking in the light of the full moon at midnight in pagan priestess attire. Really.

    Tuesday, September 28, 2004

    Quick! Click on ME! :)

    Now that you've done that, we can move on.

    However, there's really nothing for me to move on to but tedious reading. So I won't put you through the same tonight.

    Monday, September 27, 2004

    Well, I've spent the evening responsibly. Until I began throwing my empty Dasani bottle at my ceiling fan and nearly destroyed every breakable thing in my room. But that's not really the point here. What is the point is that I have studied. This is highly out of character for me. Maybe it's a watershed moment, a turning point in my history as a student, a pivotal evening in the course of my life. Probably not, but hope springs eternal.

    All of you who are currently reading these words really need to check out BookCrossing.com. Trust me. It's incredibly cool, and something that I plan to begin from this day forward.

    Well, I return now to the world of the written word, which as a matter of fact, I clearly haven't really taken a break from, have I?

    But before I go, I'll leave you with something recently said about me in an online conversation: I am weirded out by your conversation skills. It's almost like hitting my head repeatedly against a concrete wall, except with the heeby-jeebies as well. I am inordinately pleased by that.

    Sunday, September 26, 2004

    The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great sadness, you may feel as if you have been set aflame, not only because of the enormous pain, but also because your sadness may spread over your life, like smoke from an enormous fire. You might find it difficult to see anything but your own sadness, the way smoke can cover a landscape so that all anyone can see is black. You may find that happy things are tainted with sadness, the way smoke leaves its ashen colors and scents on everything it touches. And you may find that if someone pours water all over you, you are damp and distracted, but not cured of your sadness, the way a fire department can douse a fire but never recover what has burned down.
    - Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto, Book the Eleventh in A Series of Unfortunate Events

    "People aren't either wicked or noble," the hook-handed man said. "They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict."
    - The Hook-Handed Man, The Grim Grotto, Book the Eleventh in A Series of Unfortunate Events

    Saturday, September 25, 2004

    Yesterday there was a long period in my day during which I felt more than inclined to write another one of my long spiels about how sad I am for humankind. But then my day improved and my depression for the race to which I belong was pushed to the back of my mind. Whew. That was close, faithful subscribers.

    The vespers concert was impressive. K.C., of course, was marvelous. But that goes without saying, right? ;) Jay was also quite wonderful. I need that young man to give me piano lessons... I miss them. They were fun. Funish. Sort of. Everyone else was great as well, naturally. I would say, "Props to you all!" but that would just sound awkward coming from me. So I'll refrain. But you know I mean it, anyways.

    And I think I'll go back to listening to the Eagles and trying not to fall asleep. I'm so glad I'm going home for my mother's wedding. It's making me very happy. I miss the cold. I suspect my heart needs the refrigeration. It might just be thawing.

    Thursday, September 23, 2004

    I wish Nick and the rest at Say What the best in their renovation endeavours. After all, it looks like a complicated and wretched job.

    Tuesday, September 21, 2004

    School. Such a blessing, such a curse. At least I get to memorize and recite twenty lines of Emily Dickinson. I figure I can pull that off decently, since she was so terribly depressed, and I'm so terribly surly, apparently.

    Sunday, September 19, 2004

    This has been a most wonderful, long, relaxing day. I am reminded of why I loved Southern California to begin with.
    The Rubbermaid family has been emptied, and their innards scattered about my new room. Anyone need a place to stay? I've got an extra bed! And another, if you don't mind sharing. ;)

    HA! Just kidding! :D

    Friday, September 17, 2004

    Well, I'm all moved into the dorm. That is, my possessions are currently existing within the confines of the four walls that have been assigned to me by my charming RA. In Rubbermaids. Mostly.

    And, well, I am about to re-enter THE VORTEX of my life at La Sierra (not to be confused with the extremely thrilling rollercoaster at Paramount Canada's Wonderland). And it truly is a vortex. Hopefully it won't be quite so vortexy this year. I'm hoping, anyways. Let's all have a moment of silent prayer together. Ready? Go!

    What an interlude that was. Amen.

    I suppose no one wants to play the game where everyone says five good things about Diana, do they? I like that game. However, I must stipulate that such comments as, "She's wearing clothes," are not accepted and futhermore, are entirely unappreciated. Keep a loving, Christian spirit, eh?

    Well, I must go. I am being forced to eat pizza and salad. Poooor Diana. So persecuted, so despised.

    Tuesday, September 07, 2004

    I wish that no aspects of my life were, of necessity, shrouded in mystery and ambiguity.

    Monday, September 06, 2004

    How I shall miss my beloved Canada.

    Tomorrow is my last day at Woodwork. I think I might even miss it; I don't like change. I resist it as often as possible.

    Everything I am has been neatly contained into the contents of a Samsonite bag...
    - Darren Hayes

    Sunday, September 05, 2004

    Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
    - Lily Tomlin

    Monday, August 30, 2004

    People should wear reflective devices at night and leash their cats. And refrain from threats and violence. Sheesh.
    I call up to confirm my Victoria's Secret Angel credit card.

    Ryan, the Representative: ...And what state do you live in?
    Me: I live in Ontario.
    Ryan: We're actually in Newfoundland! Can you believe that?
    Me: That's odd...
    Ryan: It is odd. Hey can you hear my accent at all?
    Me: Yeah, a little.
    Ryan: Okay, just wondering. Have a great night!

    I love Newfies.

    Saturday, August 28, 2004

    One of my all-time favourite quotes...

    The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.

    - Blaise Pascal

    Wednesday, August 25, 2004

    Today I noticed a sign on Peter's wood-refining device that says Danger--Do Not Operate. Perhaps I'm the only one who finds that mildly alarming.

    The other day, as Quo was teaching me how to use a new drill, he said, "Don't hold foot pedal or machine go BAM!" What exactly do you suppose that BAM entails? I certainly didn't know, and I avoided finding out. I still don't know whether he was just trying to scare me out of doing it, because something somewhat unpleasant happens when the foot pedal is held down, or if it really DOES go BAM.

    Minh: Diana, where's your boyfriend?
    Me: They're everywhere!
    Many Vietnamese men laugh.

    I finally saw Alien vs. Predator. It was quite the good movie. I need all of the Alien movies on DVD. They're grand. And since my hair is so like that of Sigourney Weaver in the 80s, I'm pretty sure I could defend the earth against Aliens. All I need to do is start going around saying things like, "Everyone on the company will die," "There's a monster in your chest...a really nasty one," and "I'm the monster's mother."

    I just realized the other day that the nice warm metal box that I sit on when I have a few moments between piles has a picture of a lightning bolt on it. Hmmm.

    What is it? I don't know. Is it real, is it fake? Is it disguised? Am I on the wrong track, or the right one, or a benign one? Help!

    Sunday, August 22, 2004

    Hmmm...



    How to make a Diana
    Ingredients:

    5 parts intelligence

    3 parts self-sufficiency

    5 parts instinct
    Method:
    Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of wisdom
    So many delightful activities have passed since last I blogged that it would be a travesty to attempt to recapture them all at this point. And so I shall leave you with only these few key words, so that I don't forget them myself:

    Balsam Lake
    Wasaga Beach
    navigating
    four consecutive
    Alien movies until 5:30am with Tim and Melonie
    the old Payless and its children
    the Olympics
    child-filled hotel swimming pools
    the Olive Garden
    turkey slices and cheese strings
    Operation Chaos
    road trip to GC? LOL!
    Joe's abandonment
    "Need a taxi?"
    endless shopping


    And now I shall share with you a song that I wrote while going to Buffalo last weekend:

    The Border Song

    Stop here,
    Proceed when clear.

    Where are you from?
    How long are you going?
    Why are you going?
    Where, what, why, who, when?

    Stop here,
    Proceed when clear.

    At the Canada-US border,
    Here we are to cross;
    To step over the line,
    Go from one to the other.

    Stop here,
    Proceed when clear.

    Firearms or contraban?
    Cuban cigars or Molson?
    Plaid shirts or Coffee Crisps?
    ...Any prescription drugs?

    Stop here,
    Proceed when clear.

    Leave that Monopoly money.
    Don't bring your Tim Horton's in here.
    Stop looking superior.
    You have peace but we have guns. Ha!

    Stop here,
    Proceed when clear.


    And there you have it! Brilliant, eh?

    Sometime I will share the new series of children's books that I'm working on with you. And you'll be astounded at my (and Monica's) creativity once again! Hurrah for us! :)

    But now I shall go, and read, and then sleep the sleep of one who is content in so, so many ways...for once.

    Thursday, August 05, 2004

    Today, as I walked past Peter, I got the overwhelming sense that he was crouched and ready to spring. A wave of fear overcame me until I had passed safely by--the kind of fear that you experience when you suddenly realize that the dog you are petting is foaming at the mouth and looking at you strangely. The Search for the Truth continues.

    Me: George, you should marry a Halminen.
    Sarah: Why?
    George: Because then I'd be an aristocrat!
    Me: Exactly.

    And why am I not at Millwork helping set up the display? You'd think they could've asked. Well, maybe next time.

    George: Are any of you guys at Millwork?
    Me, Sarah, Monica: No...
    Me: I want to go to Millwork! Why didn't they ask me? I could bring tons of good ideas to the table...
    George: I'm sure you have lots to contribute.
    Me: Wow, thank you, George. You don't know how much that means to me.
    George: Wait, what did I just say?

    Sarah informed me of a large pile of sawdust behind Woodwork.

    Me: WOW! Let's go jump in it!
    Sarah: No, I don't want to get all sawdusty...
    Me: Oh, come on!
    Sarah: No... Why don't you ask Monica? She doesn't think of things like that.
    Me: Hmmm... Excellent idea!

    And so, Monica and I jumped in the sawdust pile, until Neil drove up. We thought he was going to yell at us. But he didn't. Then he started talking, and we realized that Mr. Knowles was halfway up the side of the silo, right beside us, looking in to see how full it was.

    Sarah: Can I climb it?
    Mr. Knowles: Yeah, sure.
    Monica: Ooo...can I climb it too?
    Mr. Knowles: Yep.
    Me: Me too, me too?
    Mr. Knowles: Just don't fall, or I'll never talk to you again.

    We climbed up. We saw. We gazed in astonishment as all of Oshawa lay at our feet. We wondered what the spear-like things fastened to the top were. (I thought they kept the dragons away. Monica thought they kept flying dogs away. Sarah thought they were lightning rods. Sarah was probably right.) We decided that it would be a pity to be up there and not spit over the railing. We spat seventy-three feet to the ground below. We climbed down.

    Now to organize this camping adventure that I shall embark upon before Wakestock. Pity me; it is not a task to be taken lightly, especially when surrounded by nincompoops. (Just kidding. A-ha. Ha. Ha.)

    Wednesday, August 04, 2004

    Keep alert--keep alive. This is what the signs posted around my place of work instruct us, amidst line drawings of hands being crushed by gears or ripped to shreds by exposed saw blades. It may astonish some of you who know me well that I am still alive in a place where keeping alert is one's only protection against shuffling off the mortal coil. Quite frankly, I'm rather surprised myself.

    Today my suspicions that Peter of the Tenor beside Cutoff is a wolfman, or werewolf, if you will, were greatly increased. Evidence follows.

    1) His physical characteristics.
    He has black shaggy hair, and a gray-white shaggy beard. His nose is rather sharp, and he moves like a wolf might if he were capable of walking upright.

    2) His behavioural tendencies.
    He tends to stumble on occasion, probably because the flourescent lighting is so far removed from the light of the full moon. He can probably see almost better at night than inside the Mill. His speech is a little bit rough and unrefined. And today, when I threw a small piece of wood at Matt because he poked me, Peter looked at it almost as though he would have liked to fetch it. (Mind you, a wild wolf would not fetch, but one exposed to human influence, either from the outside or within, as the case may be, might.)

    3) His attire.
    He frequently wears shirts or hats with wolves on them. This is either subconscious or it is intentional baiting; he may want someone to discover his terrible secret so that he doesn't have to bear the weight of it alone, even if it means confinement, or worse.

    4) Folklore.
    "Peter and the Wolf." Coincidence? I think not.

    I am almost on the point of mentioning to him that I know another of his kind in California. I would, if that wouldn't lead him to think that I am insane (should my suspicions prove false), or might expose the identity of the other one I know. Both would probably be unpleasant at best. Now, the other one that I know hides the truth slightly better. Peter has a cruder knowledge of concealment, in my opinion, and perhaps isn't quite as intelligent.

    I am not condemning Peter for being a wolfman. Oh no. In fact, I find it quite interesting. So don't get the wrong impression. However, I offer you the circumstantial evidence that I have gathered so that you might reach a conclusion as well. I shall continue to Seek the Truth, which is all I desire.

    Tuesday, August 03, 2004

    Canada has managed to enslave two of the still-half-heartedly-wriggling flies in the proverbial American butter: the French and the Vietnamese.

    How, you ask?

    Woodwork, I reply.

    And another week begins, with many bruises. Ah well, such is life. Nothing comes easy, as they say. I am so very, very glad that I am in university.

    Last night, Monica, Sarah, Zach, Katie and I went to David's house. Always a fun place to go. His dad took us all out in the boat (er, one of the boats) for wakeboarding. It was fun, and I enjoyed spending time with my friendlings.

    And quite a weekend we have planned too. I hope it all works out! :)

    Sunday, August 01, 2004

    Last weekend, I went to Kingston, for Pam's annual family reunion. On the way from her parents' house to her aunt's house, we came to the little town of Delta. It was the weekend of the Delta Fair, starring Shania Twin. Yes, Twin. And no, it's not really her. Clearly. Anyways, the parade was just beginning when we got there. Of course, Delta only has one road, and it is neatly situated between two lakes. So, we were forced to pull off into a gas station/grocery store, and watch it go by for 45 minutes. Ah, it was truly impressive. There was the OPP in all it's glory, leading and tailing. And, of course, many floats by the Shriners, for miles around. Ottawa, even. And little tiny cars, being driven by...Shriners! And an "Oriental Band" (which was terrible, by the way) made up of...Shriners! Hurrah for the community spirit of the Shriners!

    In any case, after that, we proceeded on to Pam's aunt Carol's house. Carol's husband makes his own maple syrup, and keeps bees, and then sells his wares at the local flea market. He also sells plants. He's a fine fellow, who played his guitar and sang marvelous songs like "Rocky Mountain High" and "The Squaws Along the Yukon". He told us that the idea that "rural people" have of a stag party is getting together with a case of beer. To liven things up a bit, they sometimes have minnow races. Oh yes, minnow races. Fascinating sub-culture, really. Thrilling, fast-paced, and all that. Pam's uncles are awesome.

    Uncle Tony, 74, and dating after the death of his wife three years ago gets up to leave.
    Uncle Rick: Where are you going? Got a hot date?
    Uncle Tony: Well she isn't now, but I hope she warms up later!

    Then we returned to Pam's parents' house for the night and the next day. We swam in their new pool, which was quite entertaining. Pam's dad, Art, keeps a bull.

    Pam: What's the bull's name?
    Art: Cow.
    Me: Woah. How emasculating.

    Cow had a brother, but he fell down a well.

    Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were ten-hour days at Woodwork. Yay. I think I did stuff in the evenings. But it's all become a blur of sawdust and aching muscles.

    Friday my mom and I drove up to the cottage. There was traffic, which there usually isn't at that time of day, because of an accident on the 401. It took us four hours to get there. Insanity! My grandparents were up there, in their trailer. And my uncle, Gis, Remy, and Tim were as well. It was rainy, so we didn't really do much. We mostly just talked. But it was quite fun anyways. Thoroughly enjoyable. We came back late Saturday night, because we both had stuff to do today. My mom had to go to Andy, and I had to go to Monica's mom's wedding.

    Ah, the wedding. It was marvelous. It was a nice ceremony...short and to the point, but nice. Which I greatly appreciated. Monica's mom looked very nice. Her dress was beautiful. Monica looked lovely herself, of course, and also had a very pretty dress. Weddings are such good excuses to acquire dresses. :D The reception was at 4:30, in an area of Oshawa that I've never seen before. Odd. The best man was highly amusing. Friends of the bride had grape juice, and friends of the groom had wine. Also highly amusing. The food was good, and I got to meet some of Monica's cousins that she's always talking about, which was interesting. I think that Mark and Liisa will be very happy together. I hope so, anyways. Let us pray that their marriage is not a box, taped shut, but a pretty lidless wicker basket.

    And there was dancing! Oh it was wonderful. I finally got to dance with someone male! Hurrah! :D And with Monica's charming and attractive young male cousins, too! Josh and Chad. Very sweet. But of course I danced with Monica too. I was highly thrilled by the dancing, and quite glad to get some use out of the dress I bought to dance in in Italy but never used for such. Well, it's been danced in now, and happily, too.

    Paul, after my repeated observations that I'd danced with charming and attractive young men that aren't related to me: Do you feel sinful?
    Me: No. I feel happy. And if that's a sin, well, I'm going to hell!

    After the bride and groom left, and everything was winding down, Monica and I got a ride in the best man's Corvette.

    Some man, to the best man, as Monica and I squished into the single passenger's seat: Well, now, doesn't this look familiar...

    Ah, dancing and young men and fast cars. And all in one night. I think I'm spoiled now. Sigh. But oh well, it was worth it. ;)

    Friday, July 23, 2004

    I have briefly returned. Thursday morning, we got up and drove out to New York for the Six Flags Darien Lake concert. We got there early to go to the park, of course. I finally got to go on the Superman, as well as several of the other rides. That was great. Apparently Josh, Mindi, and Zach were on the Viper, and a couple of the girls saw him and it was all cute and stuff.

    Met a bunch of Grobanites beforehand. Tracy and Stacey were fun to see again. Met Irene and Ira from Toronto. Hadn't met them before, but they were really nice. Saw Lisa from Tanglewood, and Tami from Toronto, of course. It was marvelous to see them. I think Tracy and Stacey are coming to the Greek Theatre on September 10 and 11. Hooray! :)

    So we went to stay at the Comfort Inn, where Paul had reserved two rooms. However, they screwed up and only reserved one. So they gave us the executive somethingorother, and my mom, Melonie and I got a jacuzzi! We had a can of Fri-Chik, but no can-opener. Repeated throwing on the ground of the can only resulted in a warped piece of tin that, in the end, still entombed the Fri-Chik. Ah well. So instead we ate cheese strings, blueberries, and roasted soy beans. Which was all we had. I swear. Then Melonie and I watched some dumb movie on TV, filled with American post-post-emancipation strife. Fantastic. I fell asleep partway through. But maybe that was because it was 4am, and I was really comfortable in that king bed.

    So anyways, we got up and left by 11am. By 5pm, we'd traveled about 35km. That's what happens when you travel with women who want to stop at the Cracker Barrel and eat grits, the mall to buy a can-opener and assorted jewelry, the Olive Garden to eat more eggplant...

    Finally we got to the Falls. The Niagara ones. Yes, for the zillionth time, I've gotten to watch water fall over the same really big rock. Incredible. And so, Melonie and I stationed ourselves in front of the falls, near the band, and as close as possible to the crossing guard. Heh heh heh... Soon, an Irish guy and his older relatives came and stood by us (we had prime real estate there, I tell ya). Listening to them talk strengthened my resolve to finish my English and History major, and move to Ireland. Ah, the Irish... Soon it got dark, and the lights came on, and the water falling over the big cliff started looking alternately like Pepto Bismol, urine, milk, liquified Barney, chlorinated water... Oh yes, coloured lights. Fancy, eh? Just as we were leaving, they had fireworks. They were really close by, so they were quite amazing to watch. Of course, in my mind, a fireworks display equates to a perfect opportunity for terrorism. But maybe that's just excessive worry. Clearly, I'm home now, very tired, and about to leave for Kingston in the morning.

    Some guy, talking to his daughter: See those little tiny falls over there? They're the American ones. And those really big, beautiful falls over there on the other side are the Canadian ones.

    Wednesday, July 21, 2004

    Interlochen. Interlochen, Michigan. If I'd known it existed, and/or cared, this is the summer camp I would have loved to go to. (Hmmm...) With tiny cabins housing grand pianos for practice, and a lake full of baby piranhas, who wouldn't enjoy it?

    Well, I did.

    And of course, the presence of Josh Groban helped that emotion along.

    The trip there was long, but I got a lot of reading done. And Paul enlightened us on the philosophy of the truck, part of which states: Men only drive small trucks because they don't have money for big trucks.

    Rather remarkably, Josh sang an alternate version of Canto Alla Vita, playing synth at the beginning, singing in the middle, and playing a full-out drum solo at the end. It was amazing. Of course, he did his usual piano-playing for Remember When It Rained, my favourite song from Closer. It was a wonderful concert. As usual, Lucia's parts of the show were beautiful, and the band was incredible.

    Josh clearly had a great time, playing for the Interlochen campers that he used to be one of. Mindi Abair opened for him, and I was very impressed with her. Apparently it's possible to be a rockstar with a saxophone. Who knew?

    I talked to Zach (marvelous man that he is), Tim (whom I'd never talked to before, but who was far nicer than I'd expected), and Eric, and said hi to Tariq.

    And I did somehow end up down at the beach with the bass player. ;) Ah, a grand night it was indeed.

    It's like I was stuck
    In this amusement park
    And I am less amused all the time
    It's like I played all the games
    And went on all the silly rides
    Feel like I went up too high
    I was spun round too many times
    'Cause I can't help feeling sick
    And tired

    - Martina Sorbara, "Call Wolf" from The Cure for Bad Deeds

    We met my uncle Allan, my aunt Heidi, and my cousins, AJ and Andrew, in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and ate at the Olive Garden with them. And of course, we "Joshed" our waiter. Hey, he asked. ;) We followed that with a trip to a Cost Plus World Market. Oh, how I swoon for thee, World Market. Then, to avoid traffic, we detoured to the local mall, where I bought nothing. (Congratulate me!) My aunt said that some guy was checking me out. But what made this particularly remarkable was that he was wearing a wife-beater. Not remarkable, you say? Well, I never can think well of a man in a wife-beater or a silk shirt.

    I finished Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis and The Wish List by Eoin Colfer on the way back. The first was profound and beautifully tragic. The second was, of course, brilliant and filled with witty, cutting dialogue. Then I began The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom. Someday, I hope that I can write things that touch people, that mean something...things sharp enough to cut away the veil that separates so many of us from peace and contentment.

    The torturous and slow process of personal growth is taking me over. I can feel it, constantly, like an ache that won't leave...it's draining, it's fulfilling...it's real, and I hope that it never ends.

    I am not
    Going to be
    Like I was
    I am
    Changed
    I am
    Saved

    - Jann Arden, "Saved" from Happy?

    Monday, July 19, 2004

    Dreams have only the pigmentation of fact.
    - Djuna Barnes

    I need to stop letting my dreams affect me so much during my waking hours. Emotions experienced in dreams should stay there.

    Sunday, July 18, 2004

    Well, I drove partway to the cottage. It was lovely. I love it up north. (I totally forgot to take my digital camera. I was so angry at myself when I discovered that.) I must move to northern Quebec or Ontario. I figure that if I present it the right way, Canada will pay for my cottage up there so I can write stories with Canadian themes. ;)

    The cottage inhabitants: Gis and Prascilla, my uncle Jere, Tim, and my grandparents. My mom, Paul, Melonie and I were the ones who arrived.

    I got up there, sat for a while and read until we ate. We had shish kebabs that Gis grilled. Mmmm... Quite delicious, I must say. Then we went out on the pontoon boat. We went to the cliffs and a bunch of us went swimming and cliff-jumping. Gis and my uncle discovered wild blueberries, so Melonie picked a bag full that Tim put into pancakes this morning. I went fishing off the boat at the cliffs, but didn't catch anything, unfortunately. My uncle brought the tubes, and a bunch of us tubed behind his new boat. This boat is awesome. It's a 150 (his old one was a 200), but it's much lighter. He had it up to 70km/h, which was awesome! (I rode in that boat later on. The wind in my hair...ahhh...haha.)

    Then we came back, and I fished (again unsuccessfully...this must be a bad year for fish...I'll have to go out in the rowboat at 5am one of these weekends and hope to catch something) off the dock. Gis grilled some hotdogs and burgers for supper, and then my grandpa lit a fire. We sat there for a while, talking. Then we had s'mores! Prascilla made them, and they were very delicious. It was quite nice of her to make them for everyone, too. Melonie gave Tim and I some firecrackers and we shot some off the dock and into the water (which is always fun, since they explode underwater, obviously), until a few resurfaced before exploding, and made noise after "all quiet on the lake" time, and we had to stop. My grandparents, my uncle, and Gis and Prascilla sat by the fire for a long time, talking, which was interesting to listen to. Tim and I sat on the pontoon boat seats and looked at the stars. The sky was perfectly clear. I saw eight shooting stars! Across the bay, behind the treeline, you could see lightning, too.

    Anyways, when we finally got back to driving home, early this morning, I swear I saw a sloth on the road. I mean, I know we don't technically have sloths here... But that was a sloth. Either that or a large white fuzzy footstool. I almost hit a couple of skunks. But I saved us, thanks to my lightning-quick reflexes (demonstrated also when I missed the turn into Tim Horton's, and just made an incredibly illegal u-turn back...hey, there were no other cars, and I'm sure the police in the police station next to the Tim Horton's were all too busy eating their doughnuts to notice anyways). :)

    So then I came home and slept, having been up for almost two days without much sleep at all. I went outside a bit ago, and picked some (slightly deformed) raspberries from the bushes by the shed, and just enjoyed hearing the thunder. I took some pictures of the sky, and found my cat. She didn't look happy, what with the bandage on her shaved ear. Heh heh heh... Now she looks really stupid. :D At the moment, there is lasagna baking in the oven, and I've listened to my new country CD that I made twice today. In other words, I'm well-rested, I had a great time at the cottage (Gis and Prascilla were fun!), and I'm in a wonderful mood. All that and I'm taking the week off Woodwork to go see Josh in New York and Michigan. Could life be better? :)

    (Shhh...Diana, don't tempt Fate.)
    I learned then how one can hate those one loves.
    - C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

    Why are there so many emotions in life that one must fight tooth and nail?
    You know how when you're listening to music playing from another room? And you're singing along because it's a tune that you really love? When a door closes or a train passes so you can't hear the music anymore, but you sing along anyway... then, no matter how much time passes, when you hear the music again you're still in exact same time with it. That's what it's like.
    - Jude Law describing love, from Music From Another Room

    Saturday, July 17, 2004

    Today, I cleaned more of the house at once than I ever have before. And in addition, semi-installed a new light fixture in the entryway, put in a new doorbell, mowed all of our ridiculous large lawn (something really should be done about that), cleaned the interior of the Acura, and ate very little. Why, you may ask? The answer is that I didn't have time.

    However, I did acquire more Aveda Phomollient, a case for my digital camera (whew!), and a new DVD that I love and adore.

    As usual, the entire house is meticulously clean. Except for my bedroom. This is where we put the odds and ends now, because it doesn't matter anymore. We just close the door.

    It's 3:20am, and I have to be alert so that I can drive three sleeping adults and a teenager safely up to the cottage tomorrow. And so I retire.

    Friday, July 16, 2004

    And tickets for the Greek Theatre rumoured DVD-taping are mine, all mine!

    Bow to my quick fingers, sluggards!

    That's it! I'm brilliant! I've figured it out! I know what I need! And it's been so obvious all along!

    A silver, jewel-encrusted exoskeleton!
    True to my nature, I purchased another book when I still have a zillion to read and am currently in the process of reading others. The Wish List by Eoin Colfer. What else? I'm really on a roll with my Summer of Reading. It's fantastic.

    I'm happy. My herbs are growing, I'm inundated with literature, I'm never bored, friends call me up all the time, I've been watching movies, catching up on my country music... Of course, I'm happiest surrounded by plants and art. :)

     
    La vie est belle enfin...et je m'aime encore.

    Thursday, July 15, 2004

    Now I shall pose a question that I delight in frequently asking those of you who know me well:

    Don't you find yourself strangely attracted to Snape?

    Wednesday, July 14, 2004

    And so I shall take my Eulalia and plunge into Till We Have Faces. Oh the wonderful world of literature. How I'd missed thee for these nine months past.
    Another Redwall adventure has drawn to an highly satisfactory close. I shall be seeing the world through a haze of red sandstone dust for the next few days. Thinking in molespeech, eating like a hare, and harrassing my elders like a Dibbun. I dearly hope that Brian Jacques outlives me. I know not what I would do without Redwall. Not a jolly ol' thing, wot wot?!

    And so I charge into the next chapter of my life with a resounding

    Eulaliaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    Let's give 'em blood 'n vinegar, chaps!

    Tuesday, July 13, 2004

    Where did my good dreams go? Why am I not trying to be a fighter pilot anymore? Sigh. Life has apparently already done it's damage...
    And Ask Ye Why These Sad Tears Stream?
    by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

    'And ask ye why these sad tears stream?'

    'Te somnia nostra reducunt.'

    And ask ye why these sad tears stream?
    Why these wan eyes are dim with weeping?
    I had a dream-a lovely dream,
    Of her that in the grave is sleeping.

    I saw her as 'twas yesterday,
    The bloom upon her cheek still glowing;
    And round her play'd a golden ray,
    And on her brows were gay flowers blowing.

    With angel-hand she swept a lyre,
    A garland red with roses bound it;
    Its strings were wreath'd with lambent fire
    And amaranth was woven round it.

    I saw her mid the realms of light,
    In everlasting radiance gleaming;
    Co-equal with the seraphs bright,
    Mid thousand thousand angels beaming.

    I strove to reach her, when, behold,
    Those fairy forms of bliss Elysian,
    And all that rich scene wrapt in gold,
    Faded in air-a lovely vision!

    And I awoke, but oh! to me
    That waking hour was doubly weary;
    And yet I could not envy thee,
    Although so blest, and I so dreary.
    House of Sand and Fog. If you want drama, it's the film to see. Human nature is so innately despicable that even with the best of intentions, people can make really stupid choices that have devastating consequences for themselves and others. Watching the relational and psychological undercurrents in that movie gave me insight, and knocked any optimism I may still retain down another notch.
    Mmmm...my father just brought me pizza. Wonderful man, he is.

    Finished Artemis Fowl. Fantastic book, really. Everyone should read it. It's very Terry Pratchett-like. Now it's back to Taggerung...

    Here's a song:


    Whiskey Lullaby
    by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss

    She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
    She broke his heart, he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
    We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
    But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind,
    Until the night.

    He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
    And finally drank away her memory
    Life is short but this time it was bigger
    Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
    We found him with his face down in the pillow
    With a note that said I'll love her 'til I die
    And when we buried him beneath the willow
    The angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

    La la la la la la la
    La la la la la la la.

    La la la la la la la
    La la la la la la la.

    The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
    For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
    She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
    But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind,
    Until the night.

    She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
    And finally drank away his memory
    Life is short but this time it was bigger
    Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
    We found her with her face down in the pillow
    Clinging to his picture for dear life
    We laid her next to him beneath the willow
    While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

    La la la la la la la
    La la la la la la la.
    Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
    - Tim Webber

    Monday, July 12, 2004

    Bulletproof
    by Blue Rodeo

    Tell me one more time again just like I didn't hear you
    Like I don't know what's going through your mind, I do
    I play the same game too
    I know it's hard to stop
    Even when you want to

    Now the moon lights up your face and I can see you're crying
    You never liked me to see you cry, it's true
    I've done some crying too
    You know, the hardest part about it
    Is trying to hide it from you

    It would be great to be so strong
    I never needed anybody's help to get along
    But we're so scared of the silence and the tricks that we use
    O, we're careful and we're cunning, but we're easily bruised
    I don't want to lie about it, I'm not bulletproof

    Well I finally found the way to hide from all your glances
    Til the waiting game we play is through
    I can, but what's the use
    When all I really want to do is hide out with you?

    It would be great to be so strong
    You never needed anybody's help to get along
    We're so scared of the silence and the language that we use
    Yeah we're careful and we're cunning, but we're easily bruised
    I don't wanna kid about it, I'm not bulletproof

    Tell me one more time again I guess I didn't hear you
    And I don't know all the secrets that you keep inside
    I tried the same thing too
    But they all come pouring out of me when I'm talking to you

    It would be great to be so strong
    You never needed anybody else's help to carry on
    But I'm not waking up each morning with forgiveness I can use
    No I'm careless and I'm cruel, but I'm still easily bruised
    But I'm so tired of lying about it, I'm not bulletproof
    No, and I'm not going to lie about it, I'm not bulletproof
    Tequila Sunrise
    by The Eagles

    It's another tequila sunrise
    Starin' slowly 'cross the sky, they said goodbye
    He was just a hired hand
    Workin' on a dream he planned to try
    The days go by

    Ev'ry night when the sun goes down
    Just another lonely boy in town
    And she's out runnin' 'round

    She wasn't just another woman
    And I couldn't keep from comin' on
    It's been so long
    Oh, and it's a hollow feelin' when
    It comes down to bein' friends
    It never ends

    Take another shot of courage
    Wonder why the right words never come
    You just get numb
    It's another tequila sunrise, this old world
    still looks the same,
    Another frame...
    And while eating lots and lots of vegetables that my marvelous Aunt Melonie made for me, I watched Something's Gotta Give. It was quite good, and I found a ton to identify with in it. I just think she made the wrong choice in the end. LOL