Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Are 6 days of unnatural happiness worth 73 of unnatural misery?

Aedh Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven
by William Butler Yeats

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
To make up one's mind is to reject the possibility of change and to destroy the ability of one to adapt. To see the world as a place of basic and unavoidable convictions is to rid oneself of any ability to deal with the nonsense that life is formed of and embodies. To seek finality is to begin an endless quest. Of course, this quest isn't fruitless, as such would require there to be an ultimate finishing point. Accepting this as fact is a perfect example of the human need for ultimate truth. Rejecting it is an example better still. And accepting some and rejecting the rest demonstrates the impossibility of its existence.

Hmmm. Does that make sense to anyone?

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

I just saw The Notebook. It may be foolish and I may die alone for it, but I never want anything less than what they had.
Treat Me Right
by Pat Benatar

You want me to leave, you want me to stay
You ask me to come back, you turn and walk away
You wanna be lovers, and you wanna be friends
I'm losing my patience, you're nearing the end
One of these days you're gonna reach out and find
The one that you count on has left you behind
Don't want to be no martyr, with no one, no say
Oh my, my baby, before it's too late

Treat me right
Treat me right
Open your eyes, maybe you'll see the light

Do you think I'm a fool, well you better think twice
I've had enough baby, it's time you realized
That you can't have it both ways, it's no way to live
You've done all the takin', it's your turn to give

One of these days you're gonna reach out and find
The one that you count on has left you behind
Don't want to be no martyr, with no one, no say
Oh my, my baby, before it's too late

Treat me right
Treat me right
Open your eye's, maybe you'll see the light
Ooh, ooh, treat me right

You want me to leave, you want me to stay
You ask me to come back, you're turnin' love away
You wanna be lovers, and you wanna be friends
I'm losing my patience, you're nearing the end

Treat me right
Treat me right
Open your eyes, maybe you'll see the light
Ooh, ooh, treat me right

Treat me right - Treat me right
Treat me right - Treat me right
Treat me right - Treat me right
Treat me right - Treat me right
Treat me right
I just finished taking down the Christmas tree. And I did it all by myself. I may be battle-scarred, but I triumphed.
...and nothing lasts forever, but we always try...
- Amanda Marshall
My life is full of so many blessings. I hope I don't ever forget that for such a long period of time again.
Oh, and the election results from my riding and the general are here, as well as here:

Party - Candidate - Votes - % Votes
Conservative - Colin Carrie - 15,788 - 33.2
Green Party - Liisa Whalley - 1,870 - 3.9
Liberal - Louise Parkes - 14,501 - 30.5
Marxist-Leninist - Tim Sullivan - 91 - 0.2
NDP - Sid Ryan - 15,337 - 32.2

Liberal - 135
Conservative - 99
BQ - 54
NDP - 19
Other - 1
Total - 308
Total seats - 308

Popular vote (%):
Liberal - 36.7
Conservative - 29.6
BQ - 12.4
NDP - 15.7
Other - 5.6
Total - 100
Majority - 155
The year is long enough without being reminded of unpleasant things.
- Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket is renowned throughout the literary world as an author one really ought to avoid thinking about. HarperCollins is pleased to present a calendar that makes such avoidance very difficult. With lavish illustrations and distressing commentary, this calendar will remind you of nothing but Lemony Snicket, the Baudelaire orphans, Count Olaf, sleet, and other woeful things you are better off without.

Monday, June 28, 2004

I have planned a totally amazing date. Yep, I'm dating Monica, and this Sunday if possible! And it's going to be fantastic. Take that, Matt!

Monica's more fun than most guys I know anyways. But then there's Hillary. And Felisa. Can't forget them. They're great fun too. I'll date them when I get back to sunny SoCal. ;)
This morning I got up and went to the Jerusalem restaurant for lunch with my mom, and her two friends. Oh it was wonderful, as usual. Very few restaurants are even on the same echelon as Jerusalem. (While there, we practiced the few Arabic phrases that we know with one of my mom's friends who is Lebanese. Always fun.) Come visit me in Canada and I'll take you there.

Then we went to a wonderful mall that I plan to return to shortly. It's mostly Asian, and it's an amazing place of glory and wonder. :D I found a store called Smart Maple. I wanted everything, including the elaborately shaped erasers. But since I only had five dollars... Well, I discovered the Moomintroll books by Tove Jansson! You can look at the Moomintroll Homepage if you so desire. And read this from that website:

"A Moomintroll is small and shy and fat, and has a Moominpappa and a Moominmamma. Moomins live in the forests of Finland. They like sunshine and sleep right through the winter. The snow falls and falls and falls where they live, until their houses look like great snowballs. But when spring comes, up they jump...."
- Kaye Webb, editor of Puffin Books 1974

Normally I think these sorts of things are highly absurd. But Snufken is cute. And elf-like. And Finnish. Therefore, I like him. Who wouldn't?

Then it was off to Tim Horton's to get coffee. And may I recommend getting half regular coffee and half French vanilla coffee. You don't need to add sugar or anything. It's perfect!

When we went to drop one of my mom's friends off, we found her husband digging a ditch with their six-month-old baby in the carseat three feet away. It was hilarious. (The baby is SO adorable. I must have children. I'll take the risk of screwing them up. They're cute when they're little, and you can mould them into weird people. Also, I'd like to have boys so I can try to raise them to be decent human beings, unlike most guys these days.)

Went to the new Sobey's! It's open 24/7!!!! That's a big deal in this here country. (Now I can get Rocky Road Häagen-Dazs at any time of the day or night! Hooray!) We bought lots of cheese. Seriously. Lots of it.

The Liberals won a minority government. What a mixed blessing... They won't do anything good for the country, but they probably won't do anything too bad to it either. At this point, with things as unstable as they are in the world, nobody wanted to take a chance, I guess. Although the Conservatives did manage to do very well for themselves this time. Steven Harper seems like a slightly more competent man than Paul Martin, but I don't agree with his goals for the country, so what else is there to do but vote for the dude who won't cause too much trouble? As the Liberals said, Health care not tax cuts. Education not tanks. Protect our bill of rights. I have to agree. Privatizing health care like Harper wanted would be a huge mistake, and building Canada's military is just pointless and a waste of money at this juncture. It's already so underdeveloped that we'll never catch up to anyone anyways; we have one submarine--not even one for each ocean. Besides, who's going to attack Canada? And if someone did, the United States would protect us for innumerable reasons, including their own security. Just spend the money on social issues and don't bother with the military. There's just no point. The NDP is kind of silly. And the Bloc just needs to shut up.

Well I think I've said enough.
Works like a charm, too! ;)

This is one delicious coconut from the Dominican Republic that I am eating right now. Aren't you jealous? I would be, if I were you.
And just in case you ever need Tips for Opening a Fresh Coconut, here they are.
So I went to vote today. It was terribly amusing. On the ballot for my riding, we had candidates from the following parties:


New Democratic Party





So what have you to say to that? I say: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love Canada!

Sunday, June 27, 2004

I have just had the immense honour of having a song written about me. It is as follows:

The Diana Song

I met a girl she was from Canada
She seemed real sweet and innocent
After a while I saw her wild side
Now after 3 months her friend wants her back

Monica always talks about Diana
Monica always tells me about Diana
I'm getting tired of hearing about Diana
I don't wanna lose my girlfriend to Diana

I've always had the fear of losing a girl
Especially to another girl
Just because I have a sausage
Shouldn't mean that I don't have a chance

Monica always talks about Diana
Monica always tells me about Diana
I'm getting tired of hearing about Diana
I don't wanna lose my girlfriend to Diana

I'm going to go up there and kick Diana in the butt

© 2004 Matt Johnson

Good stuff, ain't it?
Good is the enemy of great.
- David Foster
Went to the last grad service this morning. It was a good program, and it was so much fun to watch my friends graduate. They're really going to have a positive impact on the world. I know it. There are a lot of wonderful people in the Kingsway College Class of 2004.

I took a few pictures (not enough, both because it was cold and I had a blanket wrapped around me half the time, and because it started to rain). They're posted on my temporary pictures page, Diana's Odd and Senseless Pictures.
Amazing how one can fool oneself into believing that there is something where nothing exists, like shadows in the dark, like ghosts in the mirror, like whispers in the wind.

Hereditary bondsmen! Know ye not
Who would be free themselves must strike the blow?

- Lord Byron


When we cannot find contentment in ourselves it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
- François de la Rochefoucauld


That which God writes on thy forehead, thou wilt come to it.
- The Koran
You use, you lose. And don't expect others to pick up the pieces and deal with your crap for you.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

I often find myself wishing I cared more about other people without making an effort.

But have you ever wished you didn't care about someone?
On the Plains of Hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions who, at the Dawn of Victory, sat down to wait, and waiting--died!
- George W. Cecil
To every thing there is a season,
and time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Ah, so I went to the grad service this evening. My uncle spoke. He was good. His topic was Shackleton and his point was the motto of Kingsway...Service Not Fame. Well done, I say, well done.

Well, then I had pizza with my mom, my aunt Melonie, and Monica. And we watched Amélie! Monica had never seen it, and I knew she'd appreciate it. 'Twas grand. And soon, I will attempt to go to sleep. Really didn't sleep last night. It was unfortunate. And I have to get up early for the REAL graduation...

Ah, sleep...must you be such an enigma in my life?
A Valentine
by Edgar Allan Poe

For her this rhyme is penned, whose luminous eyes,
Brightly expressive as the twins of Leda,
Shall find her own sweet name, that nestling lies
Upon the page, enwrapped from every reader.
Search narrowly the lines!- they hold a treasure
Divine- a talisman- an amulet
That must be worn at heart. Search well the measure-
The words- the syllables! Do not forget
The trivialest point, or you may lose your labor
And yet there is in this no Gordian knot
Which one might not undo without a sabre,
If one could merely comprehend the plot.
Enwritten upon the leaf where now are peering
Eyes scintillating soul, there lie perdus
Three eloquent words oft uttered in the hearing
Of poets, by poets- as the name is a poet's, too,
Its letters, although naturally lying
Like the knight Pinto- Mendez Ferdinando-
Still form a synonym for Truth- Cease trying!
You will not read the riddle, though you do the best you can do.
A relationship should never confine you, but break your chains.
It's the dead of winter and it's Sabbath. You have just eaten a wonderful meal with hot chocolate to top it off. You're full, and you decide to take a nap on the couch. You lay down, cover up with a warm blanket, and fall asleep. Half an hour later, your mom wakes you up, asking you to go to a neighbour's to drop something off. You agree, get up, wrap yourself in layers of warm clothing, and open the door and step outside. The cold wind hits you like a cinderblock wall. You stop as the breath is torn from your body, and the moment before you gasp in a few mouthfuls of air seems like an eternity. The whiteness of the world outside momentarily makes you feel as though you've gone blind. You gather yourself together and take a few steps. The snow is piled in huge, rolling drifts across your sidewalk, and the wind is blowing the loose powder snow everywhere. It stings your cheeks and nose, and makes you blink as crystalline snowflakes are thrown into your eyes. The whistle of the wind continues as you wade slowly through the snow. You soon begin to shiver, and your scarf, wrapped too loosely in your warm and comfortable post-nap haze, keeps slipping off your nose. Your breath moistens the inside of the wooly material of the scarf, but soon freezes in tiny crystals and scratches your skin. You begin to loose feeling in your fingers and toes. Eventually, you make it to the neighbour's house, and ring the bell. A moment later, it opens, and you hand over the item you were sent with. You turn around and embark upon the trek back to your own house, following your own bootprints in the drifts as best you can. Finally, you reach your door. You open it, walk inside, and at once you're enveloped in warmth again. Your fingers and toes begin to ache unbearably as the blood begins to circulate through them again. You are handed a hot cup of tea, and you return to your blanket and couch in front of the fire. Soon you are just as deliciously warm as you were before the whole event.

This is the way that I look at relationships. The short nap and comfort represent the relationship itself--the euphoria and excitement of beginning something new. The arduous journey outside is the misery of the end of the relationship--all of the discomfort and unhappiness that must follow. And the return home represents the at first painful but then comforting return to oneself--the ability to look beyond the unpleasant experience and reprioritize everything, to look at all you had before and realize that it was and is good. You're just glad that you went through the cold so that you could appreciate the warmth that you'd taken for granted before. Maybe, someday, the nap won't have to end.

I am trying to make a potentially important decision right now. Please pray for me, my disloyal public. ;)

Friday, June 25, 2004

Well, I went to Class Night tonight at Kingsway. It was great! I saw a ton of people I haven't seen in ages. (Levels...they're pesky.)

Nikki and I decided to take over Micronesia. We'll only have one rule: No Monicas. We'll grow our own food. We also plan to enslave an entire people to make rustwater for us. (Nikki and Diana's Laws of Life will be in effect there, of course. And we can't kill all of the cows from there, so we will be forced to make tons and tons of rustwater.) We will allow the people that amuse us to visit. But no one else.

And then I went to Tim Horton's with Monica and Bob. We decided that because my dream of taking over Cakebread Cellars in Napa Valley (just because I like the name, of course) is fairly unlikely, I could just start Dianaville instead. Then I could decree that one section of the town be called Cakebread Cellars, and force the inhabitants to live in their basements and make cakebread every day. Then, I would randomly visit homes and demand that they produce fresh cakebread for my inspection. Marvelous idea, I think. That is, assuming the original Cakebread Cellars plan falls through.

Anyways, while at Tim Horton's, Kelvin came in with a young lady that I am choosing to assume is his girlfriend. (I was madly in love with him for years. Granted, these years were gradeschool years, but they were years nonetheless, and probably formative ones at that.) It was good to see him again, even if we did only end up talking for a few minutes. I hope to see more of him this summer; I miss talking to him. He's a great guy, really.

I was just happy to be driving around with Monica again, listening to country music. Ah, summer. :)

But as for other people that I talked to tonight that I hadn't for many moons: Peter, George, Nathan, Ian, Matt, Melissa, Erin, Anson, David, Mr. LaPointe, Mr. Bowes, Minnie, Aaron, Jana, Bob, Brooke, Tildon, Othnel, Joe, and probably others that I'm forgetting. My point is, however, that it was wonderful to see everyone again. I missed them more than I realized. (Pesky levels...)

The best part is that it doesn't end now. There are still many more graduation services to attend! Hooray! Haha. I'm going to my own church in the morning, but there's a service tomorrow night, and the usual one on Sunday morning. Augh...I need cards! Have to do that Saturday night at some point, I guess...

I am going to go, read, have another Superlink (mmm...I'm hungry) and then go to sleep! And once again, hooray for the Summer of Reading!
I Am Who I Am
by Lara Fabian

Feels like you've built a wall around me
You've tried your best to ground me
Let me explain
That I don't play by any other rules
I won't be nobody's fool
I won't lose this game
There is no way
I can love you with half of my heart
(There’s no way)
It would tear me apart

I am who I am
What else could I be
And I'll stand where I stand
I chose to be me
When you look in my eyes
You get what you see
Understand if you can
That I am who I am, who I am, oh…

Think twice before you try to read me
Before you try to lead me into your trap
You've got no right to play with my emotion
Cause you should know that I'm much deeper than that
There is no way
I can love you with half of my heart
(There’s no way)
It would tear me apart

I am who I am
What else could I be
And I'll stand where I stand
I chose to be me
When you look in my eyes
You get what you see
Understand if you can
That I am who I am, who I am
You're dancing while I'm dying
Laughing while I'm crying
Denying the mess you made
Your true colours are clashing
This airplane is crashing
It's smashing
Were you even there?
'Cause I don't think you care
About anyone but yourself

- Darren Hayes, Heart Attack
by Jann Arden

There will be no consolation prize
This time the bone is broken clean
No baptism, no reprise
And no sweet taste of victory
All the stars have fallen from the sky
And everything else in between
Satellites have closed their eyes
The moon has gone to sleep

Unloved, unloved
Unloved, unloved

Here I am inside a hotel
Choking on a million words I said
Cigarettes have burned a hole
And dreams are drunk and penniless
Here I am inside my father's arms
All jagged bone and whisky dry
Whisper to me sweetly now and tell me I
Will never die

Unloved, unloved
Unloved, unloved

Here I am, an empty hallway
Broken window, rainy night
I am 1962 and I am
Ready for a fight
People crying hallelujah
While the bullet leaves the gun
People falling, falling, falling and I
Don't know where they're falling from

Are they unloved, unloved
Unloved, unloved

Hoping that the kindness
Will lead us past the blindness
And not another living soul
Will ever have to feel

Unloved, unloved
Unloved, unloved
Unloved, unloved

Thursday, June 24, 2004

A Little Randomness

  • This morning, at Tim Horton's, I said "sigh" instead of actually doing it. That frightened me.

  • Just got back from my aunt Melonie's. She fed me split-pea soup and Greek salad. Wonderful woman she is.

  • My cat is so amazingly small when all of her fur is gone. Poor cat is outside in the rain, cold and naked. However, she does have a marvelous insulated house to go into should she desire to. But she seems to prefer to huddle on the porch. Weirdo.

  • My dad was saying that if it had been up to him, he would've just had Fluffy put to sleep instead of paying for her minor health issues. I was horrified. Luckily it clearly wasn't up to him. I realized though that Fluffy is like my child. Well, as far as the amount of affection I have for her. There the resemblence really ends. I hope.

  • I can't wait until Woodwork stops operating on Fridays. Then, on Thursday nights, Monica and I can go to Tim Horton's at 5:00am when they throw away all of their old doughnuts, and have a good old-fashioned DOUGHNUT FIGHT. (Oh no, they're not just for weekends anymore!) We'll have to bring Nikki too. Awesome.

  • Ah, and now I will go put on my PJs, drink some delicious Ontario water (straight from the Great Lakes, dontcha know), and continue reading Eragon. It's really getting good now. Hooray/Hurrah/Huzzah!
  • Well, Fluffy went to the vet this morning. While she was there, I saw The Terminal, which was a marvelous film. We went to pick her up this evening. She had to have general anesthetic, have a tooth extracted, and have her fur clipped. (And I can tell you, that cost me a heck of a lot of money...) Naturally, when we brought her home, she was still sort of coming off the anesthetic. She was all shaky and bleary. I took her out of the pet carrier and she wanted me to hold her. So I did, for almost two hours. It was nice. Then I gave her to my aunt Melonie so I could Xanga and shower (the two always must go hand-in-hand, you know). So Fluffy's worth a lot of money now. She'd better be an extra great cat from here on out. :)
    Okay. Time for an education. Following are two examples of Canadian country songs. See if you can discern the fun one from the idiotic, ridiculous one.

    Exhibit A:

    Tough as a Pickup Truck
    by Jim Witter

    I need a love tough as a pickup truck
    And two arms that are strong enough
    To hold on tight through a Texas wind
    Stick around til the end

    I need a kiss sweet as honey from a bee
    A touch as soft as a summer breeze
    I need a love, love - ou - ove
    Tough as a pickup truck

    Life is a long long road
    Sometimes you can't carry the load alone
    Nobody could be that strong

    I've learnt that the hard hard way
    You only bend so far before you break - I tried
    I couldn't carry the weight

    So I need a love tough as a pickup truck
    Two arms that are strong enough
    To hold on tight through a Texas wind
    Stick around til the end

    I need a kiss sweet as honey from a bee
    A touch as soft as a summer breeze
    I need a love, love - love - ou - ove
    Talk about your love

    Exhibit B:

    Happy Girl
    by Martina McBride

    I used to live in a darkened room
    Had a face of stone
    And a heart of gloom
    Lost my hope, I was so far gone
    Cryin' all my tears
    With the curtains drawn
    I didn't know until my soul broke free
    I've got these angels watching over me

    Oh watch me go
    I'm a happy girl
    Everybody knows
    That the sweetest thing that you'll ever see
    In the whole wide world
    Is a happy girl

    I used to hide in a party crowd
    Bottled up inside
    Feeling so left out
    Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes
    With my frozen smile
    And my lighted fuse
    Now every time I start to feel like that
    I roll my heart out like a welcome mat


    Laugh when I feel like it
    Cry when i feel like it
    That's just how my life is
    That's how it goes

    Oh watch me go
    I'm a happy girl
    And I've come to know
    That the world won't change
    Just 'cause I complain
    Let the axis twirl
    I'm a happy girl


    Oh, yeah Oh, yeah
    I'm a happy girl

    Could you tell? I certainly hope so. The answer, in case you don't know, is that Exhibit B is clearly one of the most absurd songs ever written, and should be prohibited by law. Exhibit A, on the other hand, is a great song.
    [My mom and I look at her list of things we have to do.]
    Me: You're going to detail the car?
    [Long pause as she continues to stare at the list. Then she looks up.]
    Mom:'s all relative.
    Took the Fluff-cat to the vet this morning, and stopped by Tim Horton's on the way back. Mmmm...Tim Horton's. I saw Eric Salazar's parents, my dentist, and a policeman in uniform while I was there. My day is grand already!

    Wednesday, June 23, 2004

    I am trying, day by day. And I am succeeding. It is almost mine. It is within sight. All I have to do now is use up the last bits of my energy and cross the finish line. And then...

    Okay, so we know I have a new digital camera that I love with all of my heart.

    But I now must unveil Diana's Odd and Senseless Pictures!

    Please take off your shoes, and enjoy your stay. Just don't use the bathroom. It's for family members only.
    Didn't actually get around the planting the flowers today. We bought them, though. :) It's because our outside water was turned off for the winter, and it hasn't been turned back on yet.

    So instead, I washed the picnic table, mowed the lawn, trimmed around the house, picked up an amazingly large amount of pine cones, weeded around the lilies, and tried to pull up/dig out a dead rose bush until a hornet pestered me and I left. (I so want to spraypaint the pinecones silver and gold, and then scatter them across someone else's yard in the middle of the night. Preferably someone with kids. Hahaha... That would be so awesome.)

    After I got cleaned up (my cat got me cat-hairy and the grass got me grassy) I went to Dairy Queen with Sarah. Mmmm...a Triple Chocolate Utopia is so the way to go! Of course, when I had gotten out of her car, I'd locked the door. Well, apparently you're not supposed to do that... It got stuck, and I had to climb through the window. I've decided that when I get a car, I'm going to do that just for fun. I'll open the driver's side door, get in, sit down, close the door, turn on the car, roll down the passenger's side window, get out, close the door, walk around to the other side, climb through the open window, scoot over to the driver's side, and drive away. It's going to be fantastic.

    Tomorrow morning we take Fluffy to the vet to get her shots, be shaved (her fur gets so matted during the winter because it's so long that we have to do this every summer after it becomes a horrible "shell" on her back), and have her paw looked at. She started limping today, and it looks like there's something wrong with one of her claws. Gasp! So she's not going to be a happy cat tomorrow. But it's all for her own good.
    Oh how I've missed country in the summer...

    I Want to Live
    by Josh Gracin

    Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself
    To wake myself
    I feel like I'm just sleep walkin through my life
    Its like I'm swimmin' in the ocean of emotion
    But still somehow slowly goin' numb inside

    I don't like who I'm becomin'
    I know I've got to do somethin'
    Before my life passes right by

    I wanna cry like the rain
    Cry like the rain
    Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'
    Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin'
    Fight with the devil and go down swingin'
    Fly like a bird
    Roll like a stone
    Love like I aint afraid to be alone
    Take everything that this world has to give
    I wanna live

    Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard
    To guard my heart
    Well I hardly feel anything at all
    I've spent my whole life building up this ivory tower
    Now that I'm in it I keep wishin' it would fall

    So I could feel the ground beneath me
    Well it takes this air I'm breathin
    To know that I'm alive

    I wanna cry like the rain
    Cry like the rain
    Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'
    Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin'
    Fight with the devil and go down swingin'
    Fly like a bird
    Roll like a stone
    Love like I aint afraid to be alone
    Take everything that this world has to give
    I wanna live
    I wanna live

    Something deep inside keeps saying life is like a vapor
    Its gone in just a twinklin' of an eye

    I wanna cry like the rain
    Cry like the rain
    Shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'
    Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin'
    Fight with the devil and go down swingin'
    Fly like a bird
    Roll like a stone
    Love like I aint afraid to be alone
    Take everything that this world has to give
    I wanna take any breath I can get
    I wanna live

    Yeah Yeah
    I remember when Outside was a place just as relevant as any other. When I looked at the trees, not past them. When my world was more than just buildings connected by a network of paved roads to be traveled on in an air-conditioned or heated automobile.

    The day I found a robin's egg sitting on a log outside still sticks in my memory. I rescued it, and kept it. Naturally, it never hatched or anything exciting like that, but I oddly miss that egg with its fragile sky-blue shell. (Imagine a blue Cadbury's Mini Egg without the chocolate in the centre.)

    The lilacs in my yard have always been a mixed blessing. They were and are beautiful, but I never could stand their scent or having them in the house. Probably because of my allergies and because they tended to have some of those tiny green inch-worms in them.

    I always liked picking raspberries better than strawberries. We would go out to the farm in Whitby and pick our own. The raspberries you didn't have to bend down to pick! :) But that always makes me miss the raspberry bushes we used to have in our yard. We had both red and yellow, right next to the rhubarb. I saw some yellow raspberries at the Wild Oats Natural Marketplace at Laguna Beach a few weeks ago, and remembered how great it was to just go outside in the yard and eat a couple of raspberries. I had those tiny wild strawberries in my yard too, before the school tore down the old farmhouse next door and built the new one. They destroyed my strawberries, dug up my patch of four-leaf clover, and killed the tree I planted when I first moved here in '90. That was sad.

    Well, enough of my reminiscing. I have to go help my mom plant the flowers. Although I really prefer my herbs, and pay way more attention to them than the hideous pink, washed-out looking impatiens we're forced to buy because our house is blue. (I wanted to buy red ones. They were gorgeous, and so dramatic-looking, but they would have looked terrible with the house.) Besides, I deeply love my herbs (though the pickings were slim this year since we bought so late), and I plan to dry them and make tea again. If only I were better at chemistry, so I could be a botanist... Sigh.
    Give me all your disappointments...I'll give you my secrets.
    - Jann Arden
    Lovely evening altogether. :D

    I sometimes wonder... If I were given the chance to actually go back in time, would I take it or not?


    Today I realized more fully that no matter what stage of my life I am at, and which stages I miss sometimes, I am always glad that I am where I am currently. I despise naivete in myself (and sometimes others, which is judgmental, unfair, and bad...I need to correct that...but I probably hate it in others on occasion because I hate it in myself...), and I am almost always happy that I learned something from each experience or period of time that I live through. Here's a good song about that:

    You Learn
    by Alanis Morissette

    I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
    I recommend walking around naked in your living room
    Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
    It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
    Wait until the dust settles

    You live you learn
    You love you learn
    You cry you learn
    You lose you learn
    You bleed you learn
    You scream you learn

    I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
    I certainly do
    I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
    Feel free
    Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
    Hold it up (to the rays)
    You wait and see when the smoke clears

    You live you learn
    You love you learn
    You cry you learn
    You lose you learn
    You bleed you learn
    You scream you learn

    Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
    Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
    The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

    You live you learn
    You love you learn
    You cry you learn
    You lose you learn
    You bleed you learn
    You scream you learn

    You grieve you learn
    You choke you learn
    You laugh you learn
    You choose you learn
    You pray you learn
    You ask you learn
    You live you learn

    Tuesday, June 22, 2004

    Today I worked at the pit of despair I'm forced to term "Woodwork" for the first time in almost a year. Luckily, it was only for the afternoon. On my way, I prayed for fire from heaven, a stroke, or at least a ravenous lion to prevent me from getting there. But alas! none came.

    Here are a few interesting tidbits about the experience:

  • They took away the hand trucks and installed tracks. It's so much more efficient, and a heck of a lot easier. Though I do miss playing with the hand trucks. :)

  • There's a whole new batch of employees that I don't know. Lots of the old ones are still there, and just as creepy as ever.

  • Message to all male employees of College Woodwork: The fact that I lack male genitalia does not entitle you to stare at me all day. I'm sorry that you work in a boring and tedious environment, but when I am trying to work, I really don't need weird Asian men to be looking at me with lust in their eyes. It's disgusting. Stop it. Thanks. Much appreciated.

  • At least George is there to amuse me. He's always entertaining. ;)

  • Message to all stupid employees of College Woodwork: When the person tailing the tenor is backed up, do not feed faster. It's rude. Not to mention inefficient. So stop that too. Merci beaucoup.

  • I wrote a musical about my life as I was stacking wood into neat and stable piles. Well, part of it. It was improv, and it rhymed. I am AMAZING sometimes.

  • I wrote a haiku about Woodwork that you can read at one of my other blogs...Savage Haiku.

  • Let us all pause for a moment to thank God for cilia. Because without cilia, I would probably be a solid block of sawdust by now.

  • Let us also thank Him for providing leaves to Adam and Eve so that they could clothe themselves. Let us rejoice that the concept stuck.

  • I would personally like to thank God that I am in university, and won't have to work at Woodwork for the rest of my life. Let us pray for those who do.

    Well, I believe that's all of the Woodwork things that I have to say for now. But be warned: much more is likely forthcoming...
  • There's an obvious attraction to the path of least resistance in your life.
    - Alanis Morissette
    Recently-Recalled and Giggled-At Random Moment of Hilarity:

    Playing, and obnoxiously and loudly singing A Morning Like This by Sandi Patti at 7am, after just pulling an all-nighter before my philosophy final, until Felisa felt compelled to strangle me. She didn't. Whew.
    Grace Like Rain
    by Todd Agnew

    Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
    That saved a wretch like me
    I once was lost but now I'm found
    Was blind but now I see so clearly

    Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
    Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

    'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
    And grace my fears relieved
    How precious did that grace appear
    The hour I first believed

    Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
    Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

    When we've been there ten thousand years
    Bright shining as the sun
    We've no less days to sing Your praise
    Than when we first begun

    Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
    Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

    Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
    Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away
    Mom: We have to seriously clean the house before Provologne* comes.
    Me: Um, I don't really care.
    Mom: You should care! You want him to be on your side!
    Me: And if the house is untidy, he won't be on my side? He'll be saying, "Get out of my sight, you monster!"?
    Mom: No, but he might say, "Augh, I can't live like this!", and call it all off!
    Me: Um, I hate to break it to you, but we do live like this.
    [A pause ensues.]
    Mom: ...I wish you hadn't broken it to me...
    [Another pause.]
    Mom: was an aberration all along!
    [Hysterical laughter.]

    *Name has been changed to protect the identity of the subject of conversation.

    Monday, June 21, 2004

    My dreams roll on happily
    Not heeding my reality
    My closed eyes trace their path
    Moving slowly in the darkness

    I breathe through the memories
    Neon and glaring in my mind
    They creep through my veins
    Silent and deafening

    My heart races and slows
    Each moment lasting forever
    And then I wake up happy
    Until it hits me

    And I cry
    ...and I forgot to tell you I love you...
    - Sarah McLaughlan

    Don't we all do that far too often?
    If anyone's interested, my paper from the Italy Honours trip can be read here.

    And if you want to see a picture of me where I seriously look like the Beast (think Beauty and the Beast), check it out here.

    It's awesome. :)
    I am so glad I went to California. Now, when I am home, I realize that my world is so very much bigger than it always seemed when I was living here all the time. I realize that the little dramas of my family and my community aren't matters of life and death, and that I don't have to let them affect me so.

    At the same time, these same dramas constantly wrench violently away all hope that I have for human decency. So many men and women leaving their spouses for others. So much unnecessary pain involved in that. Do relationships have no value to anyone anymore? If that's the case, it's an infinitely worse world to live in than I had ever thought before.

    No one should marry before the age of 40. Seems like everyone I know ends up getting married, having some kids, getting divorced, and then remarrying at around 40, to live, in many cases, happily ever after until they die. What's the point? Skip the whole first part and don't contribute to overpopulation. Adopt some Chinese kids or something. Do the world a favour. It's not all about you.

    It's still raining. Harder now. I think I'll go outside and scamper in it. Maybe it will wash away my cynicism for the moment. Or maybe not. I guess we'll find out, eh?
    Sweet Surrender
    by Sarah McLaughlan

    It doesn't mean much
    It doesn't mean anything at all
    The life I've left behind me
    Is a cold room
    I've crossed the last line
    From where I can't return
    Where every step I took in faith
    Betrayed me
    And led me from my home

    And sweet
    Sweet surrender
    Is all that I have to give

    You take me in
    No questions asked
    You strip away the ugliness
    That surrounds me
    Are you an angel
    Am I already that gone
    I only hope
    That I won't disappoint you
    When I'm down here
    On my knees

    And sweet
    Sweet surrender
    Is all that I have to give

    Sweet surrender
    Is all that I have to give

    And I don't understand
    By the touch of your hand
    I would be the one to fall

    I miss the little things
    Oh I miss everything
    About you

    It doesn't mean much
    It doesn't mean anything at all
    The life I left behind me
    Is a cold room
    Ah, I spent the day eating, swimming, and playing with my mom's friend's baby. He's adorable. I want one too! ;) :D

    It's raining. Supposed to rain all week. I'm thrilled. Can't plant flowers in the rain! :D This way I'll get to catch up on my reading for a bit. Hooray! :)

    Although...I still have to unpack. I despise packing and unpacking with almost every fibre of my being. It's wretched, and I think the practice should be abolished. One should just purchase new everything everywhere one goes. :) Sigh...yeah, yeah, I take it back. I'd never be able to condone something that put that much of a strain on the environment. Haha.

    So, friends, let us gather together and do something monetarily generous for the people of Bulgaria! Oh, come'll be fun! And for each Bulgarian's life that you improve, you get 10 HPs! (No, not Harry Potter...Heaven Points! And so what if I just created an entire fictional and anti-SDA-doctrinal points system merely so that I could bring Harry Potter into this?!?! AND what?) Hahaha...

    Yeah, I need to go clean or something. Maybe the fumes from the cleaning supplies will normalize me. Though I'm sort of doubting that. I think it's the weird sleeping patterns. They're making me a bit squirrly.
    Love is the history of a woman's life; it is an episode in man's.
    - Germaine De Stael

    The only gift is a portion of thyself.
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

    I never wanted something rational.
    - Alanis Morissette

    Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you will have found a lover for life.
    - Leo Buscaglia

    The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
    - Jacques Benigne Bossuel

    Love is always bestowed as a gift --
    freely, willingly, and without expectation...
    We don't love to be loved: we love to love.

    - Leo Buscaglia

    The most powerful sympton of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable.
    - Victor Hugo

    You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
    - Sam Keen

    And finally...

    What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose.
    - Henry Ward Beecher

    Just some of my favourites on the subject of love which haunts us all...
    Dangerous Beauty. Absolutely amazing movie. Want to see a masterpiece? Watch it, feel it, live it. It's soul-wrenching...the mark of a truly worthwhile film.

    Love him and you lose.

    Lessons are easily drawn from it, too.

    Sunday, June 20, 2004

    I am almost hysterically depressed by and for humanity. Tonight, things accumulated in my mind until I felt tangibly oppressed by the weight of the vices we get ourselves into...the tangled and unnecessary webs that we almost voluntarily get caught up in. People are capable of making incredibly stupid decisions. People can fall so easily into traps that consume their lives. People constantly let themselves slip into these dark pits that they don't even notice they're in until they've fallen so far there's no way out again without a lot of pain for themselves and everyone surrounding them. It's human nature. It's awful. How can one even be excited about living a life weighted down by such a burden?

    I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.
    - Scarlet O'Hara in Margaret Mitchell's Gone With the Wind
    Something to keep in mind...

    All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. To be natural is to be obvious, and to be obvious is to be inartistic.
    - Oscar Wilde
    A Thought For A Lonely Death-Bed
    by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

    If God compel thee to this destiny,
    To die alone, with none beside thy bed
    To ruffle round with sobs thy last word said
    And mark with tears the pulses ebb from thee,--
    Pray then alone, ' O Christ, come tenderly !
    By thy forsaken Sonship in the red
    Drear wine-press,--by the wilderness out-spread,--
    And the lone garden where thine agony
    Fell bloody from thy brow,--by all of those
    Permitted desolations, comfort mine !
    No earthly friend being near me, interpose
    No deathly angel 'twixt my face aud thine,
    But stoop Thyself to gather my life's rose,
    And smile away my mortal to Divine ! '
    Some people cannot live without drama in their lives. If it doesn't happen, they feel the need to create it. To them I say, Calm the heck down.
    4am photoshoots with Diana...

    What could be grander? :D

    Saturday, June 19, 2004

    I have just returned from going to Tim Horton's with Monica and Sarah. We walked, froze, skipped to a beat only we could hear, and sang Simple Gifts. 'Twas grand. Aside from the honks and obnoxious screams. Amazing how many wretched men are driving around at 1:30am. Ah, well, that's the 'Shwa for ya.

    Oh I have so many, many books to read. It's wonderful...

    1) Eragon by Christopher Paolini

    2) Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

    3) Taggerung by Brian Jacques

    4) Moon Cake by Joan Aiken

    5) Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe

    And zillions more. I can't wait. It will be...

    Dance With You
    by Live

    Sittin' on the beach
    The island king of love
    Deep in Fijian Seas
    Deep in some blissful dream
    Where the goddess finally sleeps
    In the lap of her lover
    Subdued in all her rage
    And I'm aglow with the taste of the demons driven out
    And happily replaced with the presence of real love
    The only one who saves

    I wanna dance with you
    I see a world where people live and die with grace
    The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace
    I wanna dance with you
    I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds
    And lead us back to a world we would not face

    The stillness in your eyes
    Convinces me that I
    I don't know a thing
    And I been around the world and I've tasted all the wines
    A half a billion times came sickened to your shores
    You show me what this life is for

    I wanna dance with you
    I see a world where people live and die with grace
    The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace
    I wanna dance with you
    I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds
    And lead us back to a world we would not face

    In this altered state
    Full of so much pain and rage
    You know we got to find a way to let it go

    Sittin' on the beach
    The island king of love
    Deep in Fijian Seas
    Deep in the heart of it all where the goddess finally sleeps
    After eons of war and lifetimes
    She smilin' and free, nothin' left
    But a cracking voice and a song, oh lord

    I wanna dance with you
    I see a world where people live and die with grace
    The karmic ocean dried up and leave no trace
    I wanna dance with you
    I see a sky full of the stars that change our minds
    And lead us back to a world we would not face
    We would not face
    We would not face
    We would not face
    We would not face
    We would not face
    Quick decisions are unsafe decisions.
    - Sophocles
    I went to sleep at 4am, woke up at 9am, went back to sleep at 11am, and now here it is, 5pm, and I've just woken up again. I really need to do something about this sleep schedule I've got going here. It's scary.

    And now, for your reading pleasure, a marvelous poem that I wish I had written:

    A Line-Storm Song
    by Robert Frost

    The line-storm clouds fly tattered and swift.
    The road is forlorn all day,
    Where a myriad snowy quartz stones lift,
    And the hoof-prints vanish away.
    The roadside flowers, too wet for the bee,
    Expend their bloom in vain.
    Come over the hills and far with me,
    And be my love in the rain.

    The birds have less to say for themselves
    In the wood-world's torn despair
    Than now these numberless years the elves,
    Although they are no less there:
    All song of the woods is crushed like some
    Wild, earily shattered rose.
    Come, be my love in the wet woods, come,
    Where the boughs rain when it blows.

    There is the gale to urge behind
    And bruit our singing down,
    And the shallow waters aflutter with wind
    From which to gather your gown.
    What matter if we go clear to the west,
    And come not through dry-shod?
    For wilding brooch shall wet your breast
    The rain-fresh goldenrod.

    Oh, never this whelming east wind swells
    But it seems like the sea's return
    To the ancient lands where it left the shells
    Before the age of the fern;
    And it seems like the time when after doubt
    Our love came back amain.
    Oh, come forth into the storm and rout
    And be my love in the rain.
    It's raining!!!

    And I never would have known if I hadn't stayed up until 3:30am. :)

    Friday, June 18, 2004

    How do you know when something's genuine? For antiques there are experts, for criminals there are lie detectors, and for wooden doors there are grain-examiners.

    But what about feelings? What about intuition? Isn't there someone you can go to in order to figure that out?

    Sure, God. But you don't get an estimate, a print-out, or a qualitative analysis in shorthand from Him.

    Or do you never know? Can you never know? Is there a rule, written in the Books of the Universe, that you can't Know anything for Certain? That everyone must be a relativist, voluntarily or otherwise?

    Do you act on your feelings, or do you act on your reason? Both were God-given. How do you balance them?

    Do you? Do you even know what your feelings and reason are telling you? Have you thought about it? At all?
    You do not leave your books behind you when you leave someplace, unless you are being chased by Nazis, the INS, or large fire-breathing dragons. It's wrong. And you do not force anyone else to do it unless the same circumstances apply. It's abuse. You do not destroy, deface, or censor books. It's sick.

    The moon shone in the rocking horse's eye, and in the mouse's eye, too, when Tolly fetched it out from under his pillow to see. The clock went tick-tock, and in the stillness he thought he heard little bare feet running across the floor, then laughter and whispering, and a sound like the pages of a big book being turned over.
    - L.M. Boston, The Children of Green Knowe

    "What do these children do without storybooks?" Naftali asked.
    And Reb Zebulun replied: "They have to make do. Storybooks aren't bread. You can live without them."
    "I couldn't live without them," Naftali said.

    - Isaac Bashevis Singer, Naftali the Storyteller and His Horse, Sus

    She usually read to make them sleepy, to drive away their fear of the dreams that were waiting for them in the dark.
    - Cornelia Funke, The Thief Lord

    Meggie had one of her favorite books under her pillow, and since the rain wouldn't let her sleep she sat up, rubbed the drowsiness from her eyes, and took it out. Its pages rustled promisingly when she opened it. Meggie thought this first whisper sounded a little different from one book to another, depending on whether or not she already knew the story it was going to tell her.
    - Cornelia Funke, Inkheart

    Some books should be tasted
    some devoured,
    but only a few
    should be chewed and digested thoroughly.

    - Cornelia Funke, Inkheart

    ...there was another reason why Meggie took her books whenever they went away. They were her home when she was somewhere strange. They were familiar voices, friends that never quarreled with her, clever, powerful friends--daring and knowledgeable, tried and tested adventurers who had traveled far and wide. Her books cheered her up when she was sad and kept her from being bored...
    - Cornelia Funke, Inkheart

    A room without books is as a body without a soul.
    - Cicero
    Decision-making without full knowledge of all factors is wretched. It allows for fallibility, which is entirely unacceptable.

    I envy those who claim they have no regrets. I wish I were among them. But do those people truly have no regrets, or are they just pretending they don't?

    The following was taken from In the Shallow End. Read it. It's good.

    Two Kinds of Presents

    What kind of present are you?

    Really, there are two kinds of presents in this world of pool-dom.

    The first kind of present is a large, square box about 3X3 feet. It is wrapped in bright purple metallic paper with sparkles, glitter, and ribbons all over. If you pick up the box and shake it, it rattles and fills the holder with excitement to see what is inside. The box is topped with a bright bow and a tag reading: Enjoy.

    The second kind of present is a small, oddly shaped box about 3X3 inches. It is wrapped in plainly colored wrapping paper with a light blue bow. No ribbons, no glitter, no sparkle. If you pick it up and shake it, it doesn't make a sound. And attached to the light blue bow is a tag that reads: Open in five years.

    But what the outside of the present doesn't tell the holder is what it contains. The brightly colored box contains a big jar full of jellybeans and newspaper to keep it in place. The small, dull box is encased in velvet. It contains one of the finest rubies in the world, just small enough to fill the rest of the tiny box with tiny diamonds and sapphires.

    But, the catch is no one can know the contents before deciding which box they choose.

    And you may only have one - for the rest of your life. So, which would you choose?

    Which would you be?

    I, personally, choose to be a oddly shaped box to be opened in five years.

    Whether or not anyone out there is wise enough to choose the smaller, duller box: that is their decision, not mine.


    There now, wasn't that edifying? I think it's marvelous, and I commend In the Shallow End on making it available to the general public. I choose the oddly shaped box to be opened in five years, and choose to be the same.
    What do you do when you feel like one of your limbs has been chopped off? When you feel like there's a huge, gaping hole in your heart? When something is gone from your life, probably forever? What do you do?
    So last night, my darling friends (Monica, Nikki, and Sarah) called me up and told me that I was going over to Nikki's for the night, and bribed me with Dairy Queen. I found three giddy girls with Simpson's pop and a piggy bank (yes, it was pig, and a bank) with nine dollars in it. We drove to Dairy Queen, where we got blizzards (cookie dough and Smarties...the best kind) and went back to Nikki's. We sat around for a while, talking. I helped Nikki identify places in Italy for the scrapbook she's making for her boyfriend of his trip there. (Right around the time I went. Weird, eh?) That made me feel all learned and stuff. At around one in the morning, we went swimming in Nikki's pool. The air temperature was about 65F, and the water temperature about 68F. It was awesome. :) Now that's a Canadian activity for ya, right there. And then it was back inside to watch endless episodes of Friends. (Nikki has every season on DVD...) I didn't really sleep, so I plan to go do that now. Monica and Sarah had to be at Woodwork at seven, and Nikki had to be to Wendy's for her last day there at eight. They're crazy. At least I don't have to do anything but sleep until noon now! But I am rather tired. My sleep schedule is amazingly confused.

    But this morning, while we were driving back from Tyrone, and there was morning mist over the fields and whatnot...I appreciated it more than I ever have. Living in Riverside (the armpit of SoCal) for so long has done at least that for me.

    I took pictures! Perhaps I'll put them up somewhere online. I love my camera. :)

    Thursday, June 17, 2004

    Just watched Girl With a Pearl Earring. Woah. Amazing movie. If you have the chance to watch it, do it. I promise you, you won't regret it unless you have no soul.
    And if you still haven't visited In the Shallow End, then you're really missing out.
    Hangin' by a Thread by Jann Arden

    When I cry, I close my eyes
    And every tear falls down inside
    And I pray with all my might
    That I will find my heart in someone's arms
    When I cry, cry

    When I cry
    When I am sad I think of every awful thing I ever did
    Oh when I cry, there is no love,
    No there is nothing that can comfort me enough
    When I cry,
    Cry, cry

    The salt inside my body ruins everyone I come close to
    My hands are barely holding up my head
    I am so tired of looking at my feet
    Or all the secrets that I keep

    My heart is barely hangin' by a thread
    Hangin' by a thread

    Oh look at me
    At all I've done
    I've lost so many things that I so dearly love
    I lost my soul
    I lost my pride
    Oh I lost any hope of having a sweet life
    So I cry,
    Cry, cry

    Oh the salt inside my body ruins everyone I come close to
    My hands are barely holding up my head
    Oh I'm so tired of looking at my feet
    And all the secrets that I keep
    My heart is barely hangin' by a thread
    Hangin' by a thread

    I miss you all
    I wish I was with you now
    I wish I was
    I just did something that made me incredibly happy. I romped around in my dad's backyard, unwashed, in my PJs, and alone...and heard distant thunder. HOORAY!!!!!! :)
    I'm home now. I slept today until noon. Except that my noon is now three in the afternoon. Bad thing, really. My sleep schedule is going to be incredibly off.

    I got a digital camera from my dad and Pam as a late birthday present last night! I'm thrilled! :)

    Six Flags on Monday Yep, that's what it was. Let's just say that I never thought I would be standing in headlights on the 5 in a suit jacket at one in the morning, eating tortilla chips with mustard, laughing hysterically and looking over my shoulder every three seconds. Just never seemed like a possibility in my mind. Apparently, I was wrong. But, as I learned, Chevron can be an amazingly entertaining place.

    I am currently starving because of the institution of air travel. At the airport I got a pizza from some Round Table place or something, because everything else looked dreadful. The concept is great...the pizza was garbage. And as for airplane food...I really hope that was some sort of vegetable protein. I really, really, really hope that. Last night I ate a bagel with cheese, college-style. Hopefully from now on, my food will be as far from college-style as culinarily possible. However, the flight was good. I didn't get bored or sleepy, and I finished the book I got last week--The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke. I love children's literature. I think I'll do my Honours project about it somehow.

    Hey, I had to make up for days without Xangaing, right? :) For old times' sake, I'll leave you with a song...

    Wishing That by Jann Arden

    And when I held you
    You would almost always hold me down
    You could see through everything I said I was falling
    And you said not to fall on you
    I've bitten every finger 'till it bled

    Wishing that you'd loved me too
    Wishing that you'd loved me too
    Wishing that

    And when I kissed you
    You would almost always kiss me back
    But I could tell your mind
    Was with someone else
    Oh my hands are folded
    Neatly on my lap and I am
    Picturing your body as I ask myself if

    You loved me too
    Wishing that you'd loved me too
    Wishing that

    Listen to my nervous laughter
    Sunken deep inside my heart
    My lips are dry I'm teary-eyed
    For you my love
    Harken all you fallen angels
    Help me find a place to rest
    My head is pounding here beneath
    The weight of this
    I'm wishing that

    And you know me
    Oh you know me more than anyone
    When I hear your voice
    Everything I've done disappears from memory
    Oh my darling come and save me
    Tell me I'm the one you're dreaming of
    Tell me that

    You loved me too
    Wishing that you'd loved me too
    Wishing that you'd loved me too
    Wishing that you'd loved me too
    Wishing that ......
    You'd loved me too wishing that ......
    You'd loved me too

    I'm wishing that
    I'm wishing that
    I'm wishing that
    I'm wishing that

    You'd loved me too
    I'm wishing that
    I'm wishing that
    You'd loved me too

    Sunday, June 13, 2004

    Well, this is the final post from South Hall, Room #218...for this year anyway. I don't know quite what to say. Things are changing. Things are over, and things are beginning. But I hate change, and always have. Until later. I usually end up appreciating it in the end.

    Well, tomorrow is Six Flags, Tuesday is a day of harrassing the LSU administration for various reasons, and then Wednesday I'm leaving on a jet plane... I will be three thousand miles away from the mini nine-month life that I lived here. It really seemed like an eternity sometimes, and only a flash at others.

    (I'm exhausted...sorry for the incoherence...)

    Well, I'm gone...

    You, whomever you may be, really need to check out In the Shallow End.

    It's the newest craze. Sort of. And one that I ascribe to fully.

    Friday, June 11, 2004

    Listen. Please keep in mind that I am uncomfortable with a lot of physical contact where guys that I don't know very well are concerned. If I know you and we're friends, and we're not going to see each other for a long time, then a hug is fine. More than that is really unappreciated. In fact, it makes me angry. I'm not going to be all freaked out about a normal amount of physical contact. But more than that is just incredibly unnecessary. Do not invade my personal space. Seriously. Thanks.
    "It is preferable that when a wolf stares you in the eyes and it says, "I am a wolf" you believe it rather than ask, "Are you a good wolf or a bad wolf?"
    -Mary Anne M. Hurley

    Thursday, June 10, 2004

    Life is a funny thing sometimes. There are so many smaller worlds that one has within their larger one. Right now, packing up my room, I'm realizing the contrast between the world that I have at home and the world that I have here at school. It wasn't intentional. I didn't separate them. But they have become that way regardless. Separate and small, and removed from the outside.

    When I go home for three months, remaining in contact with my friends from school, will they meld together at all? Or will they remain isolated from one another? Does it even matter?

    Ah, the trials of an international student. ;)

    We're tearing our room apart. A room where we've spent two quarters together, a room where we've been through so much. The items that have become fixtures in my life are laying in piles all over the floor...including Felisa! ;) (Okay, maybe she's not laying on the floor per se, but it sounded good.) I know I'll be coming back in three months, to start the (sometimes) drudgery of classes all over again. But some people will be gone, others will have come, and it won't be the same.

    Ah, the trials of an undergrad. :)

    This year has truly been a learning experience on many, many different levels. And I have grown and changed a lot...whether for better or worse. Whichever, I will never forget the people that have influenced my life...the people that have listened to me, been there for me, screamed with me when I was angry, cooked for me, stayed up all night with me, laughed hysterically with me, driven me places...and all of the rest that we've shared.

    And those of you who haven't had any room in your lives for me this year...fie on you! As the saying goes: "I was here, but now I'm gone. I left my name to turn you on. Those who knew me knew me well, and those who don't can go to hell!"

    Reader 1 gasps. "That's not something Diana would or should write in her blog!"
    Reader 2 titters. "It's okaaay...she didn't mean it. Calm's just old camp graffiti...! Sheesh..."

    Wow...I so hope nobody who reads my blog would ever say anything even remotely like that.

    But I really should be working on a paper right now, so I think I'll go avoid it for a while longer by eating ice cream and sleeping. (But hopefully not simultaneously...or that might be a little bit frightening for poor Felisa to wake up to.)

    Ah, the trials of a roommate. ;)
    And now for the useless (or not-so-useless...) word of the day:

    vigesimation: the act of putting to death every twentieth man
    Just wanted to thank K.C. again for the whipped cream. :D

    And truly, the hierarchy in my mind is as follows:

    Holy Spirit

    Yep. Really. He's just that amazing. ;)

    And I will return to Say What more often...whenever I can persuade Jay to drive me over.

    Sigh. What is college without a car? Very limited. Unless The Doorman is around! :)

    Wednesday, June 09, 2004

    Nobody's Fool
    Avril Lavigne

    Fall back
    Take a look at me
    And you'll see I'm for real
    I feel what only I can feel
    And if that don't appeal to you
    Let me know
    And I'll go
    'Cuz I flow
    Better when my colors show
    And that's the way it has to be
    'Cuz creativity could never bloom
    In my room
    I'd throw it all away before I lie
    So don't call me with a compromise
    Hang up the phone
    I've got a backbone stronger than yours
    La la la la la la
    La la la la la la la
    La la la la la la

    If you're trying to turn me into someone else
    Its easy to see I'm not down with that
    I'm not nobody's fool
    If you're trying to turn me into something else
    I've seen enough and I'm over that
    I'm not nobody's fool
    If you wanna bring me down
    Go ahead and try
    Go ahead and try

    You don't know
    You think you know me like yourself
    But I fear
    That you're only telling me what I wanna hear
    But do you give a damn
    That I can't not be what I am
    I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
    Its not a simple hearing but not so soon
    I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen
    And a little more green
    But its amazing what a couple of years can mean
    La la la la la la
    La la la la la la la
    La la la la la la


    Go ahead and try
    Try and look me in the eye
    But you'll never see inside
    Until you realize, realize
    Things are trying to settle down
    Just try to figure out
    Exactly what I'm about
    If its with or without you
    I don't need you doubting me


    La la la la la la
    La la la la la la la
    La la la la la la

    Would you be laughing out loud
    If I played to my own crowd
    Losing Grip

    Avril Lavigne

    Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
    Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real
    Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
    Why'd you turn away?
    Here's what I have to say
    I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
    Burning with a lost stare
    That's when I decided

    Why should I care
    'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
    I was so alone
    You, you need to listen
    I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip
    And I'm in this thing alone

    Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place
    When you turn around can you recognize my face
    You used to love me, you used to hug me
    But that wasn't the case
    Everything wasn't okay
    I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
    Burning with a lost stare
    That's when I decided


    Crying out loud
    I'm crying out loud
    Crying out loud
    I'm crying out loud

    Open your eyes
    Open up wide
    Why should I care
    'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared
    I was so alone

    Why should I care
    'Cuz you weren't there when I was there
    I was so alone
    Why should I care
    If you don't care then I don't care
    We're not going anywhere
    It wasn't a blueprint,
    Or a treasure map.
    I didn't know what it meant,
    Or where it would end up.

    I took it for what it was:
    Wild Chance?
    Invaluable Experience?
    Meaningless Diversion...?

    Catalyzed division,
    Painful rebirth.
    Questions and vagueries,
    More chances,
    Half-truths and hiding,
    Excruciating death.

    I was stricken and realized
    How gone I had been.
    I sat down,
    Exhaled my torture,
    And closed the book.
    It has been brought to my attention that I sound dreadfully bitter in my blog entries.

    I am.
    Un jour, je vais trouver un garçon qui m'aime. Et nous allons être heureux toujours. Si ce n'est pas vrai, je vais mourir.

    C'est triste, n'est-ce pas?
    It's unfortunate when one is naive enough to believe in things, isn't it?

    An old man turned ninety-eight
    He won the lottery and died the next day
    It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
    It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
    And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

    It's like rain on your wedding day
    It's a free ride when you've already paid
    It's the good advice that you just didn't take
    Who would've figures

    Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
    He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
    He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
    And as the plane crashed down he thought
    "Well isn't this nice..."
    And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

    It's like rain on your wedding day
    It's a free ride when you've already paid
    It's the good advice that you just didn't take
    Who would've figures

    Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
    When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
    And life has a funny way of helping you out when
    You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
    In your face

    A traffic jam when you're already late
    A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
    It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
    It's meeting the man of my dreams
    And then meeting his beautiful wife
    And isn't it ironic...dontcha think
    A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

    It's like rain on your wedding day
    It's a free ride when you've already paid
    It's the good advice that you just didn't take
    Who would've figures

    Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
    Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
    Helping you out

    Alanis is truly a genius. But then, she is that's kind of a given. ;)
    One thing I desperately miss: passionate weather. The pounding rain on the earth...the wild, tearing wind rushing past...the soul-wrenching, earth-shaking thunder...the brilliant, fiery lightning...standing in the midst of it all, being drenched by the rain, beaten by the wind, deafened by the thunder, blinded by the lightning...feeling newly alive in each moment...knowing that it is more "you" than anything else you've ever known...and at the same time, all you aspire to, but never can be.
    Some Amazing Things

  • That a walk around campus in the wee hours of the morning can be just what one needs.

  • That one's roommate will acquiesce to accompany one on these walks.

  • That one is usually incapable of leaving Wal-Mart without spending at least $50, even if one only entered the establishment for the express purpose of purchasing a very small, cheap, and largely insignificant package of gum.

  • That one small refrigerator can so badly need to be defrosted.

  • How much love one can come to have for Trader Joe's.

  • The heights of creepiness one can reach when one pulls an all-nighter and then tops it off with Gravol.

  • The happiness that can be achieved through the purchase of small items at Sanrio and a new book (namely The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke), both of which appeal to one's inner (and outer) child.

  • The fact that one fluid conversation is capable of including the following: a necromancer, a pyromancer, an hydromancer, chocolate, Bounty (the quicker picker-upper), and Ziploc
  • "I waited patiently for the Lord;
    And He inclined to me,
    And heard my cry."

    Psalm 40:1

    Tuesday, June 08, 2004

    "...part of our humanity is to accept responsibility for our bodies, our feelings, and the effects of the things we do, given those bodies and feelings; and we must do so, even if we cannot always keep these things under complete control."

    From Cosmopolis by Stephen Toulmin
    ...don't build a fire around Felisa*...she may incinerate herself...

    ...don't take Felisa* to the beach...she may drown herself...

    ...don't let Felisa* on a bridge...she may jump off...

    ...don't allow Felisa* on a plane...she may go out the emergency exit, depressurizing the cabin and taking everyone else with her...

    ...don't give Felisa* a bat'leth...she may impale herself upon it...

    ...don't present Felisa* with a vial of arsenic...she may drink it...

    ...don't weave a rope for Felisa*...she may suspend herself from the ceiling with it, causing personal asphyxiation in the process...

    ...don't let Felisa* borrow your car...she may drive it off a cliff...

    ...don't create an anvil for Felisa's* use...she may arrange for someone to drop it on her head...

    ...don't hire Felisa* to do anything for you...she may use the proceeds to hire an assassin to kill her...

    *names have been changed to protect the identity of the actual subject of these warnings
    There I was, dynamic.
    Looking forward, hopeful.
    Then I paused, interested.
    And saw it, fascinated.
    I kept looking, caught.
    And I went close, entranced.

    There I was, hollow.
    Looking backward, regretful.
    Then I woke up, amazed.
    And saw it, clearly.
    I looked away, changed.
    And I left, different.
    If only the dreams would stop. If only I didn't have to wake up unhappy. If only I felt less of everything...

    But I suppose "if onlys" get you nowhere...

    "I do what I have to do..."

    I'm just sad, and tired of being that way.

    Monday, June 07, 2004

    I really don't want anything less than this:

    Love Will Keep Us Alive
    The Eagles

    I was standing
    All alone against the world outside
    You were searching
    For a place to hide

    Lost and lonely
    Now you've given me the will to survive
    When we're will keep us alive

    Don't you worry
    Sometimes you've just gotta let it ride
    The world is changing
    Right before your eyes
    Now I've found you
    There's no more emptiness inside
    When we're will keep us alive

    I would die for you
    Climb the highest mountain
    Baby, there's nothing I wouldn't do

    I was standing
    All alone against the worlk outside
    You were searching
    For a place to hide
    Lost and lonely
    Now you've given me the will to survive
    When we're will keep us alive
    When we're will keep us alive
    When we're will keep us alive

    Really. Nothing less is worth taking the time from your life for.
    "If you care about something, let it go."

    Wise words...

    "One smile hides a thousand tears..."

    Foolish ones.
    Well, the philosophy final is finally over. I've philosophized. Probably not for the last time, and yet it's in the past for now. Odds are, I'll end up taking my philosophy texts home for the summer and will finish reading what I didn't get the chance to before finals. It's really interesting if you're not on a deadline with it.

    My exhaustion and nausea know no bounds! (Doesn't that sound exciting? And yet, it's not.) I can't seem to perhaps it's time for a Gravol! Ah, drugs. Such marvelous solutions. :)

    I think I may have permanently scarred my roommate this morning. My sleep deprivation got the best of me for a while there... And let me tell you, THAT'S not always pretty.

    We have a food pile. Yes, a food pile. It's in the middle of the floor, and garbage and uneaten food are in close proximity to one another therein. That bothers me. What also bothers me is the spider legs that are floating around somewhere from Felisa's arachnid encounters of last night. The food pile is disgusting me. And so I must clean it up. Later. After Gravol and sleep. Unfortunately, I have this overwhelming urge to blog excessively. I'm sure it's been noticed, by at least someone...even if that someone is just some random Egyptian man looking for a green card online...

    Can one be miserable and ecstatic at the same time? If it's possible, I know what it's like. If it's not, well, then, commit me. You'll get a fruit basket from my country.

    Well well well...

    In an hour and ten minutes, I am going to take my philosophy final, and fail it.


    Lack of sleep is inebriating.

    I guess I'd been hoping for an hitherto undiscovered gift for speed-reading.

    I guess that if wishes were horses we all could ride, eh?

    Sunday, June 06, 2004

    Are you never hopelessly smothered by the exclusivity of others?

    When you see it...don't you just want to shout, "THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE TOO! LOTS OF THEM!"?

    Don't you breathe so much more freely when you're finally separated from it?

    Don't you thank the Lord that you are you, and not someone else?

    Just wondering...
    Beginning to feel that this is blogging gone wrong, but here's something else amusing...

    You know you're homesick for Canada when...

    -- You search for the French on the other side of your pop can.

    -- You miss the sound of Don Cherry's voice.

    -- You wonder why Starbucks doesn't sell donuts.

    -- You catch yourself describing a great distance as "many kilometres".

    -- You crave the taste of Poutine.

    -- You wonder why you can't have two men in motion before the hut in your pickup football game.

    -- You get completely shocked when you see the newspaper include an article about a local church.

    -- You put on a t-shirt when people say it's 30 degrees outside.

    -- You don't understand the weird looks you get when you keep the t-shirt on after they explain Fahrenheit to you.

    -- You don't notice anything strange when the local convenience store sells Coffee Crisp bars.

    -- You remember what quiet sounds like.

    -- You have second thoughts about going to the doctor for a broken finger.

    -- You think that an article in the New York Times is rather conservative.

    -- You tell a Newfie joke to your roommate.

    -- You describe your Piano skill in terms of your RCM grade.

    -- You stop and think before the end of a sentence, because you realize you were about to say 'eh'.
    Walking through a faceless crowd,
    I stumbled upon a diamond ring.
    As I reached out to hold it,
    A shoe kicked it out of reach.
    Thinking that I could retrieve it,
    I ducked and dodged my way through the sea of relentless shoes.
    I wanted to believe in my good fortune,
    That I alone truly recognized its shine,
    That everyone else was too busy to see,
    That it was only a matter of time.
    For the last time, I reached out,
    My energy gone in that moment.
    And another hand reached down, joyfully,
    And its owner exclaimed at their good fortune,
    Having found what was lost.
    Embarrassed for my greed, and with sinking heart,
    I pulled back my hand and apologized,
    And melted back into the crowd.
    This was written by my dear roommate, and is also posted on her blog, The Infernal Blog. I think it's fantastic, personally...

    The Story of a High School Sweetheart...

    My heart was glad once.
    Not solely because of you, but I wouldn't say it hurt.
    I really can't say why you intrigued me,
    I really don't know why I began to care.

    Still, I began to love you completely and started to give my heart away.
    I just wanted to make you happy and never let you down.
    I felt so swept away by feelings.
    I didn't know what was up or down.

    Passion, that is where I went wrong.
    I felt too much, I knew too little.
    I purposely closed my eyes.
    I didn't want to know, I didn't want to see.
    Thus I continued blindly, telling myself it would all end well.

    Yet here came the anger, then hate showed up.
    These were followed by insecurity, lies and manipulation.
    I didn't recognize them all at the time, but in the end, I saw what they really were.
    Portions of your character had come out to play.

    I kept trying to say, "It isn't you."
    But I knew I was lying to myself.
    I continually tried to say that you loved me so it didn't matter.
    I would try to deal with your pain for you so maybe someday we could be happy.

    But alas, tomorrow never came,
    Someday never showed up,
    And forever disappeared.

    I will always remember how much you cared.
    I will never forget your kind and tender way.
    Still truly, it is over. Done. Finished.

    There is no going back.
    There is no coming forward.
    There is only "good-bye" to what could have been,
    And "hello" to what can never be.
    Looking at the dictionary in the back of my Bible the other day, I noticed these two terms defined, one right after the other...

    forgive: to pardon or excuse; to no longer blame or be angry with someone who has done you wrong

    forsake: to leave another completely alone, with no hope that you will ever return

    Saturday, June 05, 2004

    And now for some more things that I miss from home, and will be thrilled to go back to this summer...

    hot fudge sundaes from McDonald's

    rolling up the garden hose and being terrified of the usual spiders lurking thereabouts

    selecting the summer's flowers and herbs from the Kingsway Greenhouse, despite my allergies

    the dew on the grass in the morning

    having a summer job that requires very little thought

    the adventures of Polynesian Dancer (PD), Shrivelled Monica (SM), and Queen Star (QS)

    chip trucks that have lots of vinegar

    boxes of 40 assorted creamsicles, and fudgesicles

    random treats from the cafeteria staff during workers' meetings and camp meeting

    rapidly disappearing mosquito bites

    baby bottles

    bothering Minnie into calling us troublemakers

    Never Never Land and its successors

    Ski Club at Lakeridge

    "Cheap, eh?"

    laughing hysterically in Quebec Subways

    constantly searching for crepes, and never finding any

    Canada Day on Toronto Island

    Okay, well, today is not a particularly wonderful day, and while that made me a little happier, it didn't make me a LOT happier, so I need to go study now. Sigh.

    Friday, June 04, 2004

    My roommate emailed this to me. I think it's quite possibly one of the best...


    1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

    2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

    3. How about never? Is never good for you?

    4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

    5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

    6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

    7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

    8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

    9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

    10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

    11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

    12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

    13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

    14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

    15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

    16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

    17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

    18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

    19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

    20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

    21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

    22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

    23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

    24. Do I look like a people person?

    25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

    26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

    27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

    28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

    30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

    31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

    32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

    33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

    34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

    35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

    36. Chaos, panic, and disorder--my work here is done.

    37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

    38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

    39. Oh I get it... like humour... but different.

    AHA! Isn't that magnificent?!
    Some Random Thoughts

    Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is upon us! Or shortly will be, anyways. Me? I'm thrilled.

    Straightening one's hair can be an incredibly tedious process.

    Thai espresso is marvelous, and I wish I had some right now, so that it could aid me in my reading of Jesus Through the Centuries: His Place in the History of Culture by our man Jaroslav Pelikan.

    I theorize that in heaven, my grandma's black bean salad will be a staple.

    Attempting to write a critical essay about one's theoretical modern utopia is really just an unfortunate activity to be engaged in.

    Who needs muffin tops? The bottoms are better.

    Will I ever reach a point in my life where I am frequently well-rested and alert?

    Wednesday, June 02, 2004

    Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to aid me in finding a suitable career for myself. In order to help you help me, I am now going to relate the suggestions from the sheet in the Counseling Centre that has been beautifully customized for my personality type.

    Popular Occupations for INFJs

    Career Counselor
    Educational Consultant
    Special Education Teacher
    Editor/Art Editor
    HRM Manager
    Merchandise Planner
    Environmental Lawyer
    Job Analyst
    Mental Health Counselor

    Work-Related Strengths

    - Good at thinking up alternative and creative approaches to problems
    - Able to understand complex concepts
    - Promote harmony among others
    - Persuasive leaders and committed to what they believe in
    - Like to help others develop

    Work-Related Weaknesses

    - Can be inflexible and single-minded
    - Can be impractical about viability of ideas
    - Can be perfectionist and too independent for corporate culture
    - May communicate in ways too complex for others to understand

    There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! I now must go, because my back feels like it's oozing some sort of vile substance (though I assure you, it is not).